There's Nothing On the Other Side of the Road For Me

"What do you plan to do after Highschool?" "What career do you wanna take?" When people ask me these questions I get scared or am unsure what to say. Everyone has their own goals in life but me. I tried to figure out what i wanted to do, for example i wanted to do architecture, i wanted to be veterinarian, policeman, fashion designer, Music producer/Music artist, Editor and a Photographer, but most of these are my hobbies and i can't even find the motivation to even study hard for it. I feel like studying hard for something you wanna do to just do it to pay rent sounds kind of depressing to me, because why am i doing this just because i have to? why can't i do it just because i enjoying doing it without having to put so much effort into it because i got to pay rent for it. I only picture myself laying down on a wood bench at a park looking up at the leaves while listening to fucking damn beabadoobee or newjeans. I wanna live freely, with no worries, no stress, no drama, no anything. I honestly don't even mind being homeless or like living in my damn car. I never really like to do anything, i prefer to be on my own on things, even when i was younger i just wanted to be free. My plan when i was younger was to just die at age 30, cause i really had nothing in life. i never really did good in school as well, i hated school since i was little. i was always behind; and recently my friend said " i want to have a backpack" i first i thought she meant a actual one but no, she meant someone with her like tag along with her, someone who would live in the same apartment with her and does nothing but work an easy and pay rent with her, she said she works better when there's just someone in the room who's just happy. She said a positive environment can get her though anything; and well i obviously volunteered, that sounds like a perfect role for me. And I've been thinking maybe this is what i was born to do. I was just born to live along side someone, I was just born to exist for someone, and i think that's beautiful. I'm pretty useless to myself but i can definitely be useful to someone else. ( Yes, i like to romanticize my life ) Anyways that's it, i can't really think what else to say but yeah, i really do hate living.