Update On This Past Week (09/29-10/03)

Just wanted to post an update on how my life has been this past week, since i tend to get too busy/tired during the week to update my profile and respond to people (っ,-)

This past week has been a bit of a blur, but i would say that it’s been going well overall. a productive blur lol i’m still attending my day programs and going to the self-improvement classes. i’ve specifically been going to classes such as “Boundaries”, “Women’s Group”, “Music Appreciation”, “LGBTQ+”, “DBT”, and “Psychosis Discussion” (i’m going to plenty of other classes, these are just the ones that come to mind first). to be a client at these day programs, i’m required to arrive 2 days of the week and attend at least 2 classes during those days. i’ve been going just about every day (i would say 4-5 days on average, minimum 3) and i’m usually going to about 3-5 classes per day.

With going to so many classes and now having been a client for about 3-4 weeks, i feel like i’m starting to see how some of the classes are connected, and recognizing different areas of my life that i want to work on. i’m learning how to navigate with a “Wise Mind”, where I utilize my Logic with my Emotions, and find a middle ground of the two to make the “wisest” choices. i’m also learning about the “hierarchy of needs” and how it’s much harder to work on certain “tiers” in life (such as Social and Esteem) while there are other tiers that i struggle with (biggest one is Physiological, the first tier, being my Shelter and Food). But while i may have a harder time with my social needs because of my current lacking in my physiological needs, i’m still learning how to be more assertive and self-respecting of my boundaries.

i feel like i’ve been doing a decent job when it comes to unwinding and decompressing. i’ve been making an effort to not scroll through Instagram reels as much; trying to be more present instead of trying to distract myself with something that doesn’t serve or benefit me. i’ve been watching seasons 2-4 of "The Rising Of The Shield Hero", trying to stay on top of messaging friends and family, and taking time each day to look for new music (i’m currently at 9,291/10,000 liked-songs in my Spotify collection so far, and making good pace to hit my goal by the end of this year). 

i recently had an increase in one of my medications that i take for nightmares; i feel like it’s helped me sleep deeper and allowed me to recover a bit more from all of the energy i burn every day. i still have to sleep a bit on edge because i’m still outside and need to be alert, but i have a new spot that has less activity around it, so i haven’t been waking up as much at night.

Something that I really want to share that happened, is something that happened just last night. part of my nightly dinner routine is that i go to the grocery store at the top of the hill (about a 1.5 mile walk), get some food, and sit on a bench outside the grocery store where i can eat and sit down for a bit after walking (also taking a few minutes to let the sun go down some more). I’ve been doing this routine for a few weeks now. Well, last night i was sitting on the bench eating my dinner as i normally do, when out of nowhere a random person that was parked near where i was sitting comes up to me and just hands me a small fold of cash???? i looked at her super confused, but before i could say anything she just looks at me and says “i’ve seen you out here a few times now” and hands me the money. i was at a complete loss for words as i took the money in my hand, and all i could do was look back at her and say “thank you” before she gave me a small nod, got into her car and drove off. i counted the money and she had given me $25!! just completely out of the blue!! i’ve never panhandled or asked anyone for money (outside of my mom that is) so i was completely thrown off by such a kind gesture. literally the first thing i did was call my mom and tell her what happened, and ramble a bit about what i could do with the money hehe

it’s supposed to rain several days this coming week, starting tomorrow; so today i took the bus to my storage unit, rearranged my belongings in my suitcase, then i was able to go to the laundromat nearby and wash my clothes for the first time all week!! my clothes were getting kind of stinky and dirty with how sweaty i’ve been with walking in the heat (80+F/27+C), so it was incredibly refreshing to be able to wash my clothes (◜ᴗ◝) i was also able to go to Walmart today and buy myself a tarp to hopefully shield myself from the rain, since it’ll be raining mostly overnight, as well as get an emergency poncho and another container of bug spray.  After all of my purchases today, i still have about $11 and some change!!! which i’m currently holding on to in case i need more bug spray, bus tickets, or other supplies later on. i hope i come across that lady again so i can tell her thank you for her extremely kind generosity.

another reason why washing my clothes was a huge deal is because i actually have a job interview on Monday ৻(  •̀ ᗜ •́  ৻) i’ve been unemployed for right at about 3 months now, and i’ve decided that it’s time that i try to push for employment again so i can better afford supplies, and maybe even save up some money to buy a car, or even just have a little savings in case of emergency. it’s an interview for a Dishwasher position at a restaurant nearby that's right in my area, and it’s a place that my sister says her friend worked at before and really enjoyed. i’m also signing up for Vocational Rehab at my community center to help with finding work with an employer that understands my diagnoses, though they said it’ll be a little while until they can help me because they have a waiting list, so i wanted to try and get a head-start while i wait for their assistance.

i think that wraps up all my excitement from the past week. i can’t deny that i’m in a constant state of exhaustion, and sometimes all i want to do is be able to sleep with my guard down, or lay in a bed all day eating frozen mango chunks and popsicles and not have to do anything. but my medication has been INCREDIBLY useful for keeping me regulated and motivated. Captain has also been an amazing companion during the day, and pillow during the night. I’ve been practicing verbally telling him thank you's and giving him lil kisses on his forehead and cheeks (˶' ꒳ ‘˶) i’ve also been saying thank you to the tree that i’ve been living under for the past 2 weeks now. it’s provided me shelter, and honestly the bugs have been very manageable, so i’ve been expressing gratitude and appreciation to it. 

fun fact: i did the math on how much walking i do (i’m rounding my numbers here to make for an easier read). on the days that i go to my community center, i average about 3 miles of walking. and on the days that i don’t go to my community center, i average about 5-7 miles of walking. in total, i’ve been walking around 25-30 miles (40-50 kilometers) per week (𖦹﹏𖦹;)

fun fact #2: the coldest hour of the night is 1 hour before sunrise. read that again.

ad astra, per aspera.