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There's always a question or word that echoes in my head. These days, the word is "throat," and the question is "What could God have meant by creating me?" Since I can't find answers on my own, the questions always remain in my mind as questions, as if they're a paradox. Sometimes I think people are incredibly stupid. I don't know if anyone is reading this, but I don't care. But I consider myself egotistical for thinking this way. The people at my school laugh and talk so loudly that I want to yell at them, but I stay silent because it's unethical. However, making unnecessary noise in public is also unethical. When I'm subjected to unnecessary noise from others, I always think, "What do you have to talk about or laugh about so much?" I consider the people I hate "stupid," but those "stupid" people seem happier than me. I think I'll never truly experience happiness. That's why I hate myself and other peoples.
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Hazel
This is very nostalgic for me to read. You remind me of how I saw the world in high school. I would have agreed with you whole heartedly, I’m sure. And to a degree I do!
My worldview changed when I realized that, the entire world is made through my perception. In reality, I know nothing other than myself. I control nothing except myself. How I see others says more about how I see myself, how I treat others is an attempt to grapple with my own existence.
And that goes for everyone.
If you say to yourself “I will not find happiness” you are writing your own future, and no matter what good the world throws at you, your own doctrine will squash it. Ever heard of “getting in your own way”? That’s why.
To this day, I struggle with keeping my worldview broad and open, little to no expectations and reminding myself that I know nothing. My ego is a reactive dog, the leash it kept tighter these days. It is still a work in progress - but that is okay!
You will find peace, one day. It is written that everyone will be at peace in one point in their life. Happiness is so fleeting - it can be difficult to obtain fully.
I don't know why, but the things you wrote in the comments seemed really sweet to me. Thank you. I hope you can overcome the struggle you're going through and live a peaceful life that you wish
by losing my religion; ; Report
miku_queen24
honestly why does this make so much sense. like people do stuff that is unethical in itself but when a person intervene with this behavior it is also called unethical Since they are keeping people from doing something. if everything we do is determined by a sense of morality by people other than us why do we hold our self accountable to pleasing others when they are mostlikly more sinful than ourself. another question I ask myself is why was I created. my answer to that question always end up being that I was ment to defy the very things that others so call gods. in all religion end up circling back to the same core idea about what sins are and how they are bad while no one questions why exactly we shouldn't do them. could they be so good that a religion has to brainwash people into believing that they are bad to do?
overthinker
hey,
not having the privilege to be blissfully ignorant will always be a pain. sometimes i wish to be similar to one of the students in your school too: unapologetically loud and genuinely happy. but being overly self aware combined with self loathing is a different kind of hell. it's difficult to exist without at least a tinge of guilt, fear, shame, anxiety, regret, etc infecting my every thought and action. but we can always try to break from this vicious cycle. i hope you will, too. take care
Hi, it would be sound a little silly, but it's a relief to have someone who thinks like me, even if it's just from internet. Thankss for your comment. I hope we can find happiness without being "stupid".
by losing my religion; ; Report