tiny TINY blog [21]

heelllooo everyonee,
how are we tonight on this SPOOooOOOOoKY night? it's only spooky bc its the fourth and the fourth is the scariest day. DUH! uhh i am.. idk ngl 😭

  so like, to start off with something kinda funny (ig?) i was eating baked chips, right? yk the lays og one. we have like.. so many bc my dad gets free food sometimes. anyways, i was eating, with a nice peanut butter sandwhich, but then I TOUCH MY NOSE. now my nose is verrryyy sensitive so now it itches, it hurts, and now I'm stuffed up. like a weird stuffed up nose and its kinda runny? idk, but it suckss.

  before getting into the meat and potatoes of this blog i wanted to say, I'M WORKING ON ANOTHER BLOG!! it's not my normal blog where I just talk about stuff and tbh it's not even really a blog lol. Adam, my wonderful, incredibly smart, boyfriend, got me into html, and css. which if u dont know basically it makes your profile look all pretty. he taught me how to write code, find the code i wanted to use, edit code, etc. etc.! MAN, I am soo grateful for him! (for more ways than just this, but he is a biigg help, and great teacher) so I'm working on doing a themed blog, but I wont spoil what the theme is. no one will ever guess so WHEN IT COMES OUT ITS GONNA BE SOOO COOL!! I plan to make my own website some time. I've always had this dream of doin so, but i thought code was just tooo hard to learn, but it's not. it's really fun and rewarding. tbh I'd rather code than play a video game..

  great segue into what i want to talk about, gaming. my brother recently bought the new Sonic game, Sonic Racing: CrossWorlds. it has Hatsune Miku in it, ofc its good, but im bad at gaming. every time i play completive games alone I go through this sammee cylce.. (I'm just gonna copy n paste what I told Adam..) "-it always happens the sameee way with everryyyy game omg. i start a game, i learn how to play and ofc im pretty bad but im having fun, then i start improving and getting good so im still having fun but ofc im learning the stupid shit n the game but im still winning in a way, then i peak and WIN realllllyy good, but then i keep losing and losing and losing and im not having fun anymore bc things keep happening that i call 'bs' (probs just me) so then i get down on myself but i TRYY not to but it doesnt work so i keep trying to play the game bc 'well im learning ill get better' but i dont get better andddd i stop playing". so yeah thats my issue. I seriously don't know how to fix my lack of self-esteem?? like ik thats the reason i can't have fun, but how the hell do you fix that. i am kind to myself, but then all those nasty thoughts come back to me. "everyone makes mistakes, but I make the most" and "I have to be the worse so someone else can be the best" has been stuck in my head for years.. (ITS SO ANGSTY TOO LIKE WHAT..) and i knoww its bad i just, ig, need someone to constantly drill in my head, "hey man, your not that shitty! stop hitting yourself bc you haven't made any progress in hours, your just learrninggg.." sorry that sounds WAYY too aggressive, but for so long positive affirmation never worked for me? so I'm not exactly "good" at being kind to myself, but ig im trying. 

  ANYWAYS, happy time, I LOVE REBECCA SUGAR! her music is so TOUCHING to me and musically incredible. like, her new stuff, new album, Lonely Magic, SOOOO GOOODDDD. I love Ice Water and This is a Love Song EVEN MORE. I love them both equally BUT UGGHH. her voice is soo calming and I adore Steven Universe. SU has some songs that will neverr leave my head. Giant Women, She's Gone, Do it for Her, the future opening, just to name a few, come in my head and I MUST SING. so many songs are just soooo catchy I swear. I can listen to all the music for hourss and I've been putting Ice Water and This is a Love Song on loop for hours for the past week. and like yes guys i related to TiaLS OKAYY?? i love it so much more than that tho lol

uhmm ran out of things to say so CUTTING IT SHORT. ima keep info dumping to Adam about Steven Universe MUWAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHAhAHAHHHAHHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so happy.
goodbye everyone, take care, drink something, eat something, and have a good day/night!