Why am I like this?

I don't know why I am like this, I don't know how I try to somehow be beautiful or something, I was looking at posts on Instagram and I realized that I'm not very beautiful as I think I am, I try to change but I continue to be horrible, every time I try to take a photo I delete it instantly because it turned out horrible, I try to do my best to be nice to myself but I can't, I'm weird and I don't know how to talk to people properly, I'm completely disposable whether because of appearance or something else :i