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I drink all your words up, even though each and one of them feels hollow. I let it sit. You can make me feel loved, appreciated but lied to, manipulated and abused at the same time. You're like the wolf to my sheep.. but for some reason I keep comming back to your toxic, lustful and bold replies, even when your teeth sink so deep into my skin I doubt they'll ever rise back to the top. And yet, I'm the one to blame. I know I am the guilty. Because like blowing a candle, I could shut it all out, yet I still continue to come back for more. God, the things your words make me feel. Each and every stomach turn feels steeper than the other. Is it still the butterflies that I get, or is it more..? Or its the feeling of being attached to something you know hurts you, and yet for some reason you still can't let go. I know the truth, but I can't prove it. Am I just paranoid? I sit in guilt and drown in my unanswered questions, that I never really asked. Only to check back on you and feel my stomach drop, again, to yet another tease.. and another joke.. about something so sensitive.
All you ever felt was lust.
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mina >_<
Criticism is welcome! :3
ASHER on top!
OMG THIS IS SI AMAZING j love it! Keep going!
Omg THANK YOUU
by mina >_<; ; Report
Ari
I quite like itttt! I would love to see it expanded some more but maybe that’s just cause I’m a sucker for descriptive imagery and it feels like you could really dig deep with this one. I’m in my poetry unit in creative writing atm and poems like this remind me that I don’t hate poetry (much I as I despise writing it) and the ppl who really dig deep into emotions like you do in this poem make some really great stuff
Oh! And if you wanted like in depth editing suggestions lmk!
by Ari; ; Report
Ooo thank you so much I really appreciate it
and yeah now that you've said this I really see I could've gone deeper with it, as it seems like it's missing a little something so thank you for opening my eyes in this ideea ^^
by mina >_<; ; Report
And sure, I wouldn't mind some suggestions! :3
by mina >_<; ; Report
Okayyy! Well like basic stuff out of the way is just like spelling and grammar (ie. coming-comming, commas in a list, etc.). Also I think there’s just a few parts where instead of outright saying what the feeling is you could give some more imagery and description to the feeling before outright saying it (if you even feel the need to plainly state it). Like in the part where it says “You can make me feel loved, appreciated but lied to, manipulated and abused at the same time.” doesn’t feel as necessary if you let yourself explore the metaphors you already set up. Like maybe going into depth about how the words you drink up fill you but at the same time leave a sickeningly bitter taste or smth. Also parallel structure could be nice with changing “Or its the feeling..” to “Is it the feeling...”. Could also be nice to slightly tweak the unanswered questions bit to be a bit more concise like “drowning in questions left unasked, unanswered” or smth idk just suggestions. Last thing is just structure like I think it’d hit hella hard if you separated it into like two paragraphs in whatever place you feel like shows that shift into guilt and resignation. Anyhoo that’s all I got fr! I’m just obsessed with the metaphors in this and would read it over and over it’s super inspiring!
by Ari; ; Report
FUUCKKK WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME I WROTE IT AS "COMMING" OH GOD
help
🙏 thank you so much oh goddd
by mina >_<; ; Report
Ooo that ideea with the metaphor is so gooddd I didn't think of that
by mina >_<; ; Report
Ok now I read all of this and omgg thank you so much those ideas are so good, I will definitely try my best to apply them once I get home also I appreciate this so so much thank you
by mina >_<; ; Report
No problemmmm! I like reading poetry lol. Also the “WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS SAID COMMING” emotion is so real
by Ari; ; Report
Nameless
It's really well written and profound. I love reading, I really liked it, I'm going to check your entries regularly.
Omgg thank you so much I really appreciate it
<33
by mina >_<; ; Report
mothaxia
this is reaal good, im glad u got the courage to share this with the world
Aww thank you so much <33
by mina >_<; ; Report