that feeling when knee surgery is tomorrow

Just ranting Abt mental n physical health lolzzzz

So did my MRI which was weird but not that scary, and got my consultation and I will in fact be getting surgery to place a new ligament in my bad knee. Turns out the reason for this is my anatomy!! Proud to say I didn't do anything wrong w my knee, but sucks to say its just like that YK. I will have to take a few weeks off of work which is kinda making me nervy bc I could get fired :( (its mcdonlads bra YK they don't reallyyyy care but I am worried)

AND after doing my MRI I wanna just rant Abt my mental health n stuffs. Doing my MRI was actually the scariest part of this process so far. I've noticed that after I had gotten SA'd I recently found myself very uncomfortable with super loud noises, which I find strange because I play drums and go to an occasional show so I was comfortable but more recently I find it hard to remain calm or not tweak tf out w ALOT of loud sound and also tight spaces. IDRK why to be fair, I can be antsy w loud things sometimes but I've never had mild breakdowns which Ive started having. (SIDE NOTE did not have one during my MRI I had like 2 ear covers I was fine but just laying there reminded me of other times). I've had little nervous breakdowns over fire works and water slides and im now super jumpy around any loud noises. I've stopped practicing on the drums too, I guess I just don't really have the motivation atm. I have wanted to ignore what happened to me in varying degrees but im starting feel nervous all the time and sad. I don't really know what I should be doing with my life rn and I wish I could say like I forgot Abt that situation but I didn't and I wont it just really sucks. I feel like I'm in a bath of grease n oil rn I feel very disoriented and Im still digesting what had happeneddddd among other things.

Thank u to all my friends for being so kool and all my mutuals on here tyty, also I don't use heavenhead_ on insta anymore it under a diff username I'll put it on here laterrrr thx 4 coming to my Ted talk