The internet feels so much smaller now.

Damn, feels weird having this be my first blog. I haven't used this site in like 2 years lolol.

I definitely want to visit and post here more, because modern day social media and entertainment sites like YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, etc. just aren't as diverse in content or helpful for the purpose of communication anymore.

In fact, it doesn't even feel like communication with other people at all anymore, and I'm not just talking about rampant bots and AI. Just cynical algorithms and engagement farming stealing our attention away from us and frying our dopamine receptors. Spending even just 30 minutes on Instagram reels or YT shorts leaves me feeling violated emotionally and cheated of my time, and I don't think that's entirely dramatic or hyperbolic to be saying anymore. I only want to use apps like Instagram or FB to talk to my IRL friends and small groups of online pals but the constant barrage of short form content and "current news" always takes up so much more of my attention than I would ever want to give it. 

I feel like such a remedial ape for clicking on these videos or watching them as they show up on my feed. I complain about them yet continue to waste my time, foot-in-mouth; I dream about smashing my phone into tiny pieces and buying a flip phone to satiate my basic needs for availability to others - but social media and email is so directly integrated into modern life that I won't just suffer from FOMO, but I'll be shooting myself in the foot (the one currently not in my mouth) in terms of keeping myself readily informed in my day-to-day life with work, college, and social plans. It wouldn't benefit me at this stage of my life, because I would just be slowing down in a world moving at light speed.

Oh, I've tried those apps that aim to keep you focussed like Finch or One Sec, and neither of them worked like at all. They don't block off intrusive attention grabbing content, just make booting up apps a chore. 

I know I am the problem here, but people have this expectation that they can demand a fraction of your attention at all times, and I feel such an incessant need to please my friends with appearances. Maybe I'm too pathetic for my own good, lmao.

God, the content being fed to my rotting brain isn't even that good anymore. If I could summarize it, being on modern YouTube and Instagram is like eating nothing but hotdogs and french fries for every meal. It's so streamlined and palatable, but I'm bored of this "perfected" trough slop, I fantasize about eating rotted roadkill just to taste something different. Guess that's why I'm here now.

SpaceHey might actually provide something interesting to look at online. Even if everyone on here magically turned into a POS since I checked out. Actually, I don't even know what this site is like culturally anymore - just decided to show up and make noise to see what attention I bring. I don't even think the people I have friended on here are even active anymore lol. I know one moot is AWOL, though I still have her on Insta. Hope she's doing alright for herself, love that girl. Played Halo a lot in highschool. Damn good friend right there!

I think I rambled incoherently enough today, hope reading it didn't make anyone want to choke the life out of me. Plan on blogging more in the future. Would be cool to share some of my theatre misadventures if things actually pick up again, though that's a convo for a whole 'nother post.

Have a good day everyone, be sure to spend some time completely detatched from a device and go outside. We still live in such a wonderful world.

-L127