confused

how do I move forward when I can't feel any significant positivity? when everything feels hopeless and a piece of work? why do I have to be so scared of death and suicidal? i feel like i don't know my future, and it's better off for me to die young. So I don't have to deal with the prolonged, constant fear of what life will bring. I would be more comfortable watching the world and and acknowledging the beauty of it from a distance.