Finding a way to carry on (Life update 11)

In very short summary of what happened last blog: My dad died unexpectedly due to liver failure resulting in a heart attack. I loved my dad, and ive been trying to cope and carry on with my life with him in mind.  

I have been finding ways to grow around my grief recently. People say that grief gets smaller as we get older, but i believe that the grief doesn't get smaller, we get bigger. It never really goes away. 

I made a playlist of the songs he liked and that we listened together. Ive been listening to it from time to time, crying a couple of those times, but i feel like it brings me closer to him. All it does is make me sadder, but its better to feel these emotions now. No good comes in repressing feelings like that. So this playlist has helped me more than I thought it would. 

Ive also been journaling and writing letters to him. I bought a Wreck this Journal that ive been doing an entry daily in, and i have a regular journal too for writing regular things and writing letters to him. As silly as it sounds it has really helped me dump out my thoughts. I believe that the official funeral that was held was not like him or the life he lead at all. It seemed like nobody had known him at all. So I told him all about the funeral and what i would have changed, and asked him questions that i know i will never get the answers to. But it still makes me feel better knowing that I can talk to him like that sometimes. 

He really liked The Office. So ive been diving head first into that show. Because its a comedy it has made me laugh recently, which makes me feel a little better at the moment. Another show that we both really liked together was Fullmetal Alchemist. So i want to start rewatching that on October 3rd, a date significant in the show. Both of these are unironically really good shows you guys should totally watch them if youre interested. 

Homecoming is coming up, and it has only reminded me that he will never get to see me go to prom. it hasnt made me feel any better, but i bought a necklace. This necklace is silver and has a dragonfly on it. Dragonflies were his favorite animal, and they are also a symbol of our favorite band, Coheed and Cambria (coheed has also helped me enormously through this). I am gonna wear it to homecoming in honor of him. Its small, but it makes me feel better. 

If anyone is going through similar thigns right now, please do not be afraid to greive. Especially if you are young. if you don't feel these emotions right now, then they will hit you like a truck later in life. Not only that but it will make you feel so much better once you are able to grow around your grief. 

Now i need to stop writing before I start crying lol. Love you <3!!!