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I actually have so many thoughts I want to write down and share with many people. Thoughts I'm too embarrassed and afraid to talk about... Sometimes they pile up so much that I get lost in the moments I think I'm happiest with. That's why I decided to write my feelings and thoughts here. Anyway, I wanna start with a situation I wanna tlk about. A month ago, while i was in a course, I wrote something wrong on a paper, so I grabbed my eraser and started erasing the otherwise pure white paper. However, because my eraser was so dirty, a gray fog formed on my pure white paper. And it stayed there forever. I didn't have a perfect childhood. Although, the perception of perfection varies from person to person. However, like many people, I have some "perfectly bad" memories throughout my life that make me stop and think deeply during my happiest moments. I didn't use the eraser example for nothing. "You have such a bad past that you wanna erase it, but that past has polluted you so much that while you are trying to erase a tiny mistake on a piece of clean paper, you are making it even worse. In other words, you are making your life worse instead of improving it." I said these words to myself at that moment, I hope anyone who reads it didn't misunderstand it. There are some wounds that need to be healed without touching. There are some memories that can never be healed.