'siighhh thinking abt sister daniel as a concept, drag, gerard way, gray and gender </3' 11:24pm, 29/9/25

PART 1: trying to understand gender challenge (impossible) 

aka: Kie discovers social constructionism

1. Gender is a social construct, which both shapes and is shaped by (chicken or the egg aah) societal roles, mannerisms and expression.

2. Let's start with female, male and non-binary identities. When I first discovered the concept of being transgender, I thought gender was a spectrum with female at one end, male at the other and non-binary in the middle. Now, I realise that non-binary is not necessarily just a percentage of female/male but could be anywhere on a cartesian plane or even on a 3d cartensian plane, which just breaks my entire 12-year-old understanding of gender and leaves me... inconclusive

3. I personally identify as 'male' #keepinitsimple, I feel 'male' whatever that means BUT in recognising that gender is basically abstract vibes, my 'true' identity could be more non-binary, like actually by that logic isn't everyone just non-binary... what is it to be 100% male, masculine traits were literally made up everything is made up this is ragebait for my inner Plato because how do our 'abstract pure' forms identify aughghghghgh tell me those higher truths PlatooOOooo is gender even up there?

4. So guys, I kinda started tweaking, and then remembered that labels exist so that I can put myself in the box of straight-up he/him male and ignore nuance for my own peace of mind!

5. In the spirit of labels, and a somewhat contradictory spirit to 4., as a 'pansexual' myself, I am attracted to people regardless of gender because, circling back to 3. how is one to even know their own gender, what if they are trans and they don't know it? What is it to be 'male' or 'female'... I have decided it doesn't matter! I do not care I do not careeeeee I will love you and I do not see gender you are just you and maybe you have been socialised in a certain way and maybe you have certain traits and mannerisms that are stereotypically what society has deemed to be 'of' a certain gender but you know what since it's all made up anyway the gender you identify as just doesn't matter to me!

6. So, in conclusion, I publicly identify as the binary gender 'male', but I actually don't put weight on how you identify because I think your character matters more in making up who you are <3 dear reader, you are more than your gender to me

PART 2: the sister daniel brainrot is getting to me 

(apologies to anyone reading this section who is not in the cobwebbed THRIVING corners of the internet I am in, I do hope you manage to take something from all the yap...)

Further, I was thinking about:

a) Sister Daniel (HER), who is 'not a grown man in a nun costume, but a concept'. To my understanding, drag is 'performing a gender'. But, what does it mean to become a concept? I don't know... food for thought... let's add it to the pile...

b) Gerard Way (he/they) who: went to art school in drag, 'identified a fair amount with the female gender', BUT doesn't publicly label himself as cis or trans or genderfluid, they just are... themself.

c) The portrayal of Illi (they/them) in Mercening's 'Illi is the Protagonist'

- one can at first assume that Illi is just a boy, in love with another boy, therefore gay gay homosexual gay mlm

HOWEVER, then... THIS HAPPENED:

Illi: 'Have you ever wanted to be with a girl?' 

Frank: 'I'm already with a girl... you're my girl' 

Illi: 'if I were a 'real' girl'... we could walk together without anyone trying to label us' (MY GIRL ON MY BIKE IN THE BLACK PROM DRESS AUGHHH </333)

So, Frank sees Illi as a 'girl', and the phrase ''real' girl' implies that Illi also identifies with girls but refrains from 'identifying' as such and MOST IMPORTANTLY 'without anyone trying to label us' (ITS THE LABELS AGAIN THEY'RE BACK THEY'RE BACKKKK THEY'RE EVERYWHERE this is... SOCIETY)

So, what have we gathered from these 3 examples: FRICK LABELS BRO FREAAAKKKK LABELS YOU ARE JUST YOURSELFFFFF

PART 3: Gender and my OCs

Now, we come to the reason I started writing this beast of a monologue... 

I know that I just went off about how gender identity doesn't matter to me, but let me throw a cheeky spanner in those works. I believe how people choose to identify, how they perceive themselves and thereby choose to present themselves is of importance to one's character. So, when I said 'I don't put weight on how you identify, I think your character matters more' I actually meant, 'I see how you choose to identify as a facet of your character, and thus it is important to me, due to it being of importance to you'. But, I couldn't spoil that in PART 1, now, could I? 

So, how did the vibes align for my sweet children, Jason and Gray?

Jason (17, AMAB)

I imagine Jason had a somewhat conservative upbringing, his mother was raised religious, his family is white and we must remember Christianity diddd kinda shape Western civilisation...

However, he is also a creative, exposed to queer media and expresses himself in a stereotypically feminine way (long hair, has flowers stitched onto his pink vest, oh and um? Does having basic hygiene count? I never know with these stereotypes anymore, how far has the bar fallen for us men?)

Knowing this, as his creator I deem Jason to identify as a he/him male. (ewww boring!) Now, now, hear me out. Despite his somewhat feminine expression, I do believe Jason would be secure in a male identity due to the internalised binary view of gender within him, due to how he was raised. As much as he accepts the existence of non-binary identity, I don't believe he could 'truly' understand it or really consider identifying as such, at least not at the age of 17, when the story is set! (I personally headcanon him as a he/they or even as a they/them, but yk, as a character, he just couldn't do that for himself XD)

Gray (17, AMAB)

Gray, gray, gray... OOOOOOH how I have waited for this moment!!!!!!!!! (There, you can accuse me of having a favourite child)

Gray, in the pursuit of authenticity and the guilty need to be acknowledged, is definitely a frequenter of sites such as our very own spacehey! And one may have noticed that on these sites, and in such corners of the internet... there is a great number of queer ppl! Gray also listens to alt music, thus he is in alt communities, and you know what is in alt communities? Do I even have to say it? THE GAYSSS THE TRANS PPL THE QUEERSSSSSS

So, after years of bluelight melting his eyes, retinas burning due to always being on that damn laptop, exposure to and interactions with queer people I think Gray has definitely thought abt and actively experimented with his identity. Gray, I knight you, a he/they, who is too scared to tell anyone irl that and never confirms his gender when ppl irl question it #unlabelled... but they know... we know... YOU ARE ENBY!!!!! 

Thank you all for reading my TED talk. I do hope you enjoyed, and maybe even have some thoughts or criticisms? Perhaps some insight into queer history that I'm unaware of... please comment it down below (keep the criticism constructive) and I'll respond!

- Kie (30/9/25, 1:54am)

P.S. for my AFABs, sorry you guys didn't really get any representation:") I noticed that after I started writing, and now I'm curious why you guys weren't really on my mind for this one... I'll think about it tomorrow... oh, wait. It already is tomorrow. DANG ITTTTT