finally accepting i'm aroace (little rant)

why at the big age of 20? probably because i didn't understand the difference between wanting and having.

i always used to like the idea of being in a relationship, having my "one and only" (or multiple, i dabbled in polyamory a lot lol).

i spent 99% of my teenage years in relationships, but it felt weird sometimes. i kinda treated it more as a super intimate friendship with commitment and to this day i lowkey don't really know the difference lmao

a lot of things in them made me feel too icked out for no apparent reason like certain romantic things felt too cringe for me to handle when it was me experiencing it, spectating it in fiction is fine (love it actually)

crushing was always the better experience for me, i can't even selfship with my fav characters because it feels too weird 😭 not the selfSHIPPING part but the SELFshipping if ykwim

now that i realized the extent of this i probably want to stay single my whole life ive never felt more free yayayay

the best way i can describe my sexuality and romantic orientation is: it works out great in theory (at least until it doesn't), but not at all in practice. aka lithromantic or frayromantic