Church? (Vent)

Why is it so difficult for me to find a comfortable place in the church?

I mean, I know why. It's because I know the people here can and will be hostile against who I am. I'm trans, and every time I walk through these doors, I know there are people who believe I shouldn't have the right to be who I am.

Every time I see someone's story on the screen, I know they hadn't had to struggle the way I did. Hell, even not attached to my trans portion of myself, I never see people who struggle with mental illness. All of the stories seem so sterile, so easily digestible. It feels so horribly censored.

It's so strange, since the lessons are not censored or easily digestible at all. They pull on history and the original Hebrew for those. It's what keeps me in the church I'm at.

If they're able to create such great lessons, why can't they accept me wholly within their church? It hurts so much.

I have a lot of anger. A lot of hurt. I've been able to ignore it for a very, very long time. Years. Now it's starting to keep me from enjoying being at church at all.

What do I do?