Lately..

So first of all the don't know how this works, i mean how to use this Blog thing.

Lately my life has been really bad , I'm suffering because of alots of things (*i hope my girlfriend don't read this) i have been really suicidal these days, cuz like of stress due to future failure, anxiety and overthinking cuz i don't know how can someone love me like it is really impossible to love me even in person and we are in a relationship overseas. I trust her more than myself and she is perfect I'm always insecure about my looks cuz like she might know or meet someone who is way pretty and kind than me. Whenever we can't call or shii i grow really depressed, bcuz in my past when i was really young my parents use to love bomb me that is why I have these problems, so don't know how to love someone and I have no idea how to hook someone to yourself.i don't wanna lose her, she is an angel to me. I'm really in love with her. Whenever I feel hurt, depressed, suicidal i go back to our first chats and just try to smile . I swear she is the nicest thing ever happened to me. And without her i will probably have no motivation to live, i don't understand uncertain things she do like she is adorable when she text "i miss you" but when I say something to like comfort her the "i love you" is better-sweet. I'm really jealous and insecure guy and that is really what I hate about me. I really hope my girlfriend don't find this, and don't think i want to end my relationship i just wanna make things even for both of us