Existence

This is honestly just a vent, but I am also trying to be introspective. 

Sometimes it feels like I don't exist. I try my hardest to be known to people around me, but they just hate me or couldn't care less. I spend a lot of time and money on these people just so they can go off and do stuff without me. I invite people to hang out, and I get "No," but then see them posting about getting concert tickets and going on trips. I get they owe me nothing, and I don't expect them to do what I do out of kindness, but it feels very one-sided. I guess it doesn't help that I have very few friends cuz I always make friends with people who treat me like shit, so it's easy for me to get in my own head about everyone hating me and hating my existence.

But also FUCK that, maybe I don't matter to anyone but me, and just cause people don't respect or care about me doesn't mean I don't need to wallow in self-pity. Whether out of spite, I'm going to keep existing and doing what makes me happy. If you feel the same, you think your existence doesn't matter and that nothing in life matters, as a wise turtle once said, "so what?" Write your own story and choose what matters! Just because you feel a certain way now and might be at a bad point in life, it won't always stay that way. Find the path for you that makes you happy. If there is no path, then carve it yourself, even if it means cutting ties with people. Persevere and stay DETERMINED.

Writing the first part, I was kind of filled with rage and sadness, but it hit me that nothing matters. If nothing matters, then everything matters equally. Meaning is created and defined by the individual, so anyone else reading this who felt like I did, create your own meaning. Also, Undertale and Deltarune mean so much to me, hence the determination and Gerson references, but they've helped me improve my mental state so much and keep me here, though I'll make a whole blog about that in its own time.

For now, keep it crispy, peeps, and stay hydrated. *slides off screen*