The "Terrified of Tenderness" Collection

By D. Karma H-Lee

Contents

1. I Hate You – rage at the self disguised as accusation.

2. Please Don’t Love Me – a plea to be rejected for everyone’s safety.

3. Scared of You – the fear of intimacy and joy itself.

4. Trade Me For Your – the bargaining defense: better to be used than truly loved.

5. I’m Sorry I’m So Scared – the confession, circling back to apology and fear.

Back-Cover Style Summary

The Terrified of Tenderness Collection traces the raw contradictions of wanting love while fearing its costs. Across five poems, D. Karma H-Lee exposes the cycle of self-hatred, vulnerability, bargaining, and apology with startling honesty.

It’s a portrait of someone who desperately wants to love and be loved but is terrified of being a source of harm, so they’d rather be rejected or used than risk causing pain. Through images of knives, disease, rope, and contracts, tenderness itself becomes both salvation and threat.

This is not a linear journey toward healing but a cycle — anger, pleading, fear, bargaining, confession — turning again and again around the same wound. In its repetition, the collection captures the relentless inner war between longing and self-protection.

I Hate You

By D. Karma H-Lee

You try too hard,

You try too little.

You want them close,

Then push them away.

You care too much,

You hurt too much.

You get so scared of hurting them,

So you hurt them on purpose.

You try so hard to connect,

You do things you regret.

You are ugly inside and out,

Yet you’re called pretty.

I hate you so much,

So much, I can’t hate anyone else.

You hurt everyone you love; it’s sick.

You liar!
You lie to please.
You lie to hide.
You lie to make everyone think you’re doing it on purpose.
I hate you more than anything
I don’t know how to love someone like you

You’re love sick

But you’re sickness is a disease that kills the loved

You want comfort, but you sleep with a knife

And the worst part:

You don’t even realize it’s there until you’ve killed

I hate you so much!

Sptember 25th, 2025 DKXHL

Please Don’t Love Me

By D. Karma H-Lee

Please don’t love me.

I’m not worth loving.

Don’t care for me, use me.

Hate me.

Hate me.

Please.

I’ll only bring you pain.

You should find someone better.

I’m sick of hurting people.

I’m sick of hurting the people I love!

I’m sick of loving!

I’m sick of hurting others!

And I’m sick of being hurt!

I’m not unlovable, I’m not safely lovable

Sptember 25th, 2025 DKXHL

Scared of You

By D. Karma H-Lee

I’m so scared of losing my joy again.

So much so, I have nights I can’t sleep thinking about it.

Please don’t take my joy away

Not again, please

I wake up silent screaming,

tears streaming down my face.

I don’t tell you about it

No, no, I don’t

I just look at you with worry

I keep seeing the rope we played with

You

You

Please

Sorry

I’m so scared

Don’t leave

Sorry, sorry

I just worry about you

Say it over and over

I’m so scared of investing in you

But I’ve already invested so much

You terrify me with that warm embrace

Please don’t hurt me

I’m scared of you in the best way possible

I love you so much

That’s so scary

Do I say it too much?

I hope you love me too

At least enough to stick around

August 22, 2025 DKXHL

Trade Me For Your

By D. Karma H-Lee 

Every relationship is transactional 

I give you my love, 

You give me your attention 

You give me your time, 

I give you my heart 

No matter what, 

I can't have you love me back, though 

Either you need to use me, 

Or I need to push you away 

At least if you use me, 

I'll be useful 

All you have to do is acknowledge I'm there 

I can be anything you want 

Just give me something 

Please

Sptember 25th, 2025 DKXHL

I’m Sorry I’m So Scared

By D. Karma H-Lee

I’m scared.
I care about you
and I don’t want to hurt you.

I hurt everyone.
If I ever did love you,
I’d hurt you worse.
Maybe I should push you away.
Maybe you’d be better off.

We barely know each other.
I’m not a good person.
I’m not worth it.
But you still stay.

Things feel fast.
Maybe I need to slow down.
Maybe I should disappear.
People seem to do better with less of me in there lives.

I’m afraid.
You’re kind.
You make things bright.
I make things dark
without meaning to,
Sometimes, without even knowing.

You don’t deserve that.
I’m scared I’ll ruin everything
Before I even know you.
I always do.

I’m sorry.
I wish I were better at this.
I wish I was better for you.
I want to be around you
More and more,
And that terrifies me.

I’m starting to enjoy your company.
I think of you as my friend.
What do I do?
How do I keep you safe from me?

I’m sorry.
I need help.
I’m so scared of losing you,
hurting you,
that I’m thinking of pushing you away.

I’m sorry…
I’m sorry, I’m such a coward.

I’m sorry, I’m so pathetic

September 27th, 2025 DKXHL