John Egbert Monolouge

John Egbert mentioned! And as soon as he's on the table, it is impossible to not notice just how centrally he sits, not only in the narrative of Homestuck, but in the very fabric of it. John is the character that grounds the story, who has both its absurdist humor and its deep emotional resonance. He's our first kid, the lens through which the wild sprawl of paradox space begins, and through all of it—the timelines, the trolls, the game itself—John is the thread that holds it together.

What makes John so great is that he seems so utterly normal at first. He's goofy, clumsy, and full of terrible jokes, obsessed with movies no one else particularly cares about. Essentially, he seems normal. He's not an ideal prodigy or angsty antihero—he's a kid. Which makes him an excellent audience identification point for readers to hold onto as the comic spirals into increasing levels of meta, time travel, and recursive storytelling. Amidst all the goofiness, John's actual personality shines through: sincere, good-natured, capable and willing to forgive, and just self-deprecating enough to laugh at himself.

But John is not just comic relief or an empty shell of a protagonist. His path is one of maturation, determination, and an understanding of his role in a much greater cosmos than his own. He evolves from a boy who barely even has control over his inventory system to a player who warps the very fabric of the narrative. Literally! John’s retcon powers aren’t just a plot device; they symbolize his unique status as a character who can step outside the framework, someone who refuses to be bound by the predetermined script of fate. In a narrative obsessed with determinism, John embodies the idea that choice, agency, and even silliness can change everything.

And let’s not forget his relationships. John's relationships are at the center of *Homestuck*: his love for Rose, his trust in Dave, his sibling trash-talking with Jade, and then later his relationships with the trolls and beyond. He's the glue. Without him, the rest fall apart or into their own issues, but John keeps pushing towards connection, towards maintaining the group even when they disintegrate. His empathy is unmatched. While other characters have greater vices or self-destructive tendencies, John never wavers in being hope—the territory he was supposed to command. And it is well within him, because his hope isn't foolish. He knows about loss, he is exasperated, but he keeps believing in something more.

John Egbert is the best Homestuck character not because he's the "main" child or the first entry point, but because he encapsulates what makes the story work. He's the heart and the punchline. He's the hero and the prankster. He's unkempt and clumsy, yet extraordinary. And in a world that tries to smother individuality beneath the weight of destiny, John is the proof that being you—unapologetically goofy, deeply human, and optimistic to the core—can change the game.