Hello! It's me again! Not feeling really good today, tho'. But it's funny since it only took me a 2nd post for me to rant about genuine bad news in my blog. I mean, not that bad, but still. Like, it's not a big deal, I know I just have a problem with sorting my feelings and such. I just often get upset at such small matters, but then shut down when faced with a big one? and that fact??? upsets me?? Idk, feelings are weird, man.

It's a weird day, for sure.

 Events 

No class today! Yay! :D I still had a seminar and a quiz! ( •́ㅿ•̀。 )

It's just an easy listening quiz, and the seminar's actually pretty useful (basically learning how to search for articles on Google Scholar more efficiently. man, had no idea those queries can be so long!)

For my-- wait, how do we refer to each other here, actually? Moots? Is "mutual" OK? Oomf? No, feels too 'Twitter'. Friends(??) Is it okay to refer to my mutuals as friends???? [< Please be patient, this person has a very bare understanding of how to navigate any sort of relationship]. Uhhh, yeah, so you guys who can see my bulletin (wow, we're resorting to this? okay) may already know that I didn't get accepted into the debate club. Was I devastated, heartbroken, and/or depressed? Nnnnnnnnnot really. I mean, if I gaslight myself enough to believe I never expected to get accepted from the start, then it'll aaaaaaallllll be just peachy. Oh, yes, I don't even feel any attachment to that club as I'm writing this! Well, I mean, it's also sort of my fault for not attending one of the three pre-training sessions because I was too overwhelmed with assignments, or forgetting to submit one of the tasks because, again, I was too overwhelmed, and my executive dysfunction was acting up. I should've signed up for the club when I still had lots of free time back in freshman year.

But enough about that! I'm stuck in the literature club anyway! Since I don't get into the debate club, I guess I'm gonna sign up to be a part of the literature club's committee again this year, lol. I hope I'm assigned something other than managing the club's podcast. I mean, I LITERALLY HAVE 0 SOCIAL SKILLS!!! And I was paired with a girl from the Indonesian Education department (because this club was founded by their department, so really, it's more of an Indonesian Literature Club), whom I BARELY KNOW!!! And when we talk, I sensed not a single spark between us because SHE'S A TOTAL NORMIE!!! You know, the kind that has no interest in anything besides social media??? IT PAINS ME!! We're both very quiet people too irl so it's like that meme where 2 girls were like, "And they're both bottoms."

The seniors and I in the literature club have a weird relationship, too. I rarely attend any of the literature discussions lately, and I'm pretty sure they must've been so mad at my ass, but they need my editing skills so bad that they keep reaching out to me to make posters, banners, brochures, etc. lol It's not like I hate discussions, I love them! Especially listening to others' takes. But in most of these discussions, 90% of it is just filled with dead air T-T, even though there's always like 15-20 people attending. And I spoke about a unique take ONCE, and they just keep asking me to speak FIRST for every discussion I attend after that, WHILE THEY SAY NOTHING and just be like, "Wooow that's so cool," "Woooow I didn't even think of that." ARE THESE SARCASM??? T-T Please, am I a clown??? Am I actually being bullied????????? I don't knoooowww I don't know I don't know!!! Socializing is scary!! Please, I just want to talk about my opinions and hear YOURS TOO!!

Aaaahhh, well. That's that, and this is this. Damn, writing blogs like this is actually really... therapeutic??? Why did I ever stop writing diaries back in elementary school, I wonder... Oh! Well, that just gave me an idea of what to talk about for my hyperfixations!!

I'm planning to write for Spooktober next month, so I'm trying to save any brain juices I have left lol. But, I also have a limited number of poems and short stories I could share before then, so I'm gonna do song translations in between those. Today, I translated salt-wound routine / ft. yi xi by 11vein into singable Indonesian lyrics! :D

VIDEO TW: blood, mentions of alcohol, partial nudity (the illustrated character only wears a set of women's underwear)

Original song:

Singable Indonesian Lyrics, translated by Derusione_K:

Rutinitas Luka-Garam

tersesat

di hidup ku tak kenal

jangan buat parah

bayar nisan mahal

genggam tanganku yang beku

bersulang

ujar saksi tunggal

hati berat tak

kan menduka

diriku di kubur

tarikan napas panjat dinding ruangan

ambil pil, telan, wastafel banjir merah

putar weker, hanya untuk bangun siang

masih bilang, "sampai jumpa!"

(ugh)

jalan pahit--langkah mundur, tiada ubah

hati di kaca agar bayang tak terkam

kutik jari, habiskan waktu yang sia

leha sampai abu pudar

apakah hujan disana?

ku sibuk hitung luka

tak harap, tapi rasanya

aneh kalau, belum nyebat

kau pura-pura bodoh, kah?

'tau pesta sama beelzebub?

baru juli sudah lengar

duduk, cari tempat 'tuk berisak

tersesat

di hidup ku tak kenal

jangan buat parah

bayar nisan mahal

genggam tanganku yang beku

bersulang

ujar saksi tunggal

hati berat tak

kan menduka

diriku di kubur

maka

santai

biar dunia berputar

hembus dan hilang

malam yang panjang

maka

dusta

kata "kau baik saja!"

obat dan mabuk

di bawah kelip lampu

tumpah semua 'tuk bagi duka

kuku berdarah salah tiada

garam tanah kumpul pusara

detak busuk tiada harap

kejut mati, tetap berpawai

main kata 'tuk sandiwara

"oh, sayang, kau tak apa?"

bisa saja hidup, tapi ku takut

lepaskan

mimpi yang kau patahkan

akhirnya

kau tuai yang kau tanam

karna*

ku

tersesat

di hidup ku tak kenal

jangan buat parah

bayar nisan mahal

genggam tanganku yang beku

bersulang

ujar saksi tunggal

hati berat tak

kan menduka

diriku di kubur

maka

santai

biar dunia berputar

hembus dan hilang

malam yang panjang

maka

dusta

kata "kau baik saja!"

obat dan mabuk

di bawah kelip lampu

pejamkan

surut maupun pasang

luka-garam**

bilas ulang

susu dibalas tuba***

berlari

meski tak berarti

toh, mentari

kan sinari

kala fajar terbit

*The original lyrics use a clipped "because" > "'cuz", but I can't shorten the translation "karena" any shorter than "karna", so the singer would need to sing this a bit faster for the flow :")

**I considered translating this and the following line into a somewhat equivalent Indonesian proverb, "Rubbing salt on the wound" = "Salt-wound routine" > "Sudah jatuh, tertimpa tangga" = "Fell down and a stair fell down on me", but it's the title drop, so I decided to just translate it literally...

***I adapted this proverb into an equivalent Indonesian! "Cast pearls before the swine" > "Air susu dibalas air tuba" = "Paying milk with poison"

Of course, any constructive criticisms (and Indonesians seeing this who might wanna be friends) are always welcome!

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER PADDLE POP?!?!?!? Oh my god, the animation series was such a huuuuuge part of my childhood! I even wrote ANGSTY FANFICS about the characters in my small pink Hello Kitty diary back in elementary school lmaoooo. This series was the fire that lit my young writer's heart, and it's always been living in the back of my mind ever since. I even made theories which I only shared with my younger siblings, even though I wasn't aware of the concept of theorizing back then, so I just called it "my dreams" lmao. I forgot what I theorized back then, but I believed that a war happened between two kingdoms, and Paddle Pop's father was involved in it (I think it's between his and Felina's kingdom), even though there were no mentions of it. But then I was proven RIGHT by a flashback in a new release and I was ECSTATIC!!! But nobody got why I was so excited by such a thing, and that's when I realized that maaaaaaaybe there's something wrong with me, lol.

But duuuuude, the Paddle Pop fanfics I used to write as a child are so depressing lol. It's always about some sort of war happening and then Paddle Pop dying and then getting resurrected (rinse and repeat). They always all end in happy endings at least. Strange, even though I really loved Paddle Pop's character back then (and maaaaay have had the tiniest bit of crush on him), I always wanted to see him dead. I don't know why, but the more I love a character, the more I want to see them dead, ESPECIALLY male characters. It started with Paddle Pop, then Boboiboy (hhhoooooo boy! one day you'll have me yap about that poor kid), and now I have it the worst with Gregor Samsa from Limbus Company (not the Metamorphosis novella, but it is the source of his character's inspo). Why is that? I don't know, does anyone else feel similar??

Anyway, that's all for today, folks! I planned to edit my profile page, but idk it's 00:02 AM now, the day has changed as I write once more, I don't think I have the energy left after, y'know, the weird day, lol? Well, then, I guess, see you tomorrow!

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