listen all y'all it's a sabotage

just when life is starting to turn around i have to ruin it again. on wednesday i woke up and immediately felt off, which is when i realized that my phone hadn't charged at all and it was an hour past when i was supposed to be at work. and today i woke up at 10:30 (when my work was supposed to start (i guess my alarm just didn't work??)) and knew id be fired if i showed up that late twice so i just called out sick because i didn't know what else to do. and when i woke up i had a long text from my boss about how calling out that late was unacceptable and that i'd have one more chance and wouldn't be able to miss any work/be late for 6 months.

every single job ive ever had i always have to self-sabotage myself and i don't know how to stop. i have a 4-hour closing shift tomorrow and i don't know how i'm going to walk into work and face any of my coworkers like that. i keep telling myself that i still have a chance and that i just have to do it scared. im so terrified of losing everything when i'm finally starting to do well in life again.