Nighttime

I don’t like the night time anymore

When the sun starts to sink beneath the horizon, my heart seems to follow

And for the longest time

Really, as long as I could remember 

I was always a night person

18? 19 years?

And now something’s changed

I don’t like the dark skies anymore

And sunsets are almost more bittersweet 

than they are beautiful

I wish I knew why

I felt, I feel this way

I’ve learned to love the daytime, the sunlight, but why must my comfort with the night turn to complacency?

And then from complacency to disdain? 

When the sky outside my windows turns to black, why do I feel like I’ve lost something?

Like I’ve run out of time?

Like I can’t keep fighting to be better?

Better to myself

Maybe it’s just been so long

Since I’ve had company at nights

Since they’ve had a purpose, a reason.

When is the last time I truly sat down with my family and ate dinner with them?

At a proper table, without a TV in the background 

I’ve forgotten what that feels like

I know that sounds silly, but truly, I can’t remember how it made me feel.

I think it felt good

I think I felt loved

I think I felt comforted

And yet time and time again, when the opportunity to arises

I work overtime to find an excuse

Anything, any reason

To not join them.

And I wish I knew why.

Originally written: 14-01-2024

Something is eating away at me

It has been for a while now

And I wish I knew what it was, so I could kill it off

But I have a feeling it’s not that easy

This is part of my ongoing transfer of poetry from my notes app to a place where perhaps it can connect with others. As always, constructive criticism and discussion is welcome. - SG