Scapegoat (herbivore)

I hope the grass is green in San Ramon

The cows graze away happily at the fields as the wind brushes through the trees

I hope your mom was happy to see you home, and I’m glad you have family so close

I hope you’re in a better place, feeling better, doing better

And yet my distaste for you grows stronger and stronger by the day

You’re a metallic tinge that gets stuck in the back of peoples’ mouths, and you start to flake off like dried out paint when people get too close

I know you had your problems, I had, have, mine. But I thought I had learned to move past them.

Who knew how easily a couple of paint flakes could start a chain reaction.

Now I’m alone

And I’m scared

Just like you were

Once that honeymoon phase ended I saw you for who you decided to be, a broken man.

One who I tried to help fix, and in doing so only wore down myself.

I like to think that you did it to all of us really, look at [Mutual friend 1], [Mutual Friend 2, [Mutual Friend 3].

They’ll all be gone next semester

You can say it was only a matter of time for them. But I don’t like that thinking, because then where does that leave me?

You’re the perfect scapegoat for my situation. You said it yourself, all the bad things that happened to you were your fault. 

And you were fine with it that way, because you didn’t care.

You just went wherever the rest of the world took you. 

You never fought back. 

You never stood up for yourself and you never asked yourself why you were like that.

I don’t know what happened to make you live like this. Maybe the car accident when you were in your prime, who knows really?

But does it matter now?

I’ll never see you again

Yet I have a feeling the person you were will keep haunting me for a long time.

Originally written: 25.03.2024

This is part of my ongoing transfer of poetry from my notes app to a place where perhaps it can connect with others. As always, constructive criticism and discussion is welcome. - SG