Philocalist

My world shifts from black to white depending on my mood, and I typically don't go to any greys. At. all. I hate everyone. I love everyone. Society is stupid. But oh, society is so smart. Love hate, love hate... But really, I think I love everything. At least, I want to.

 I feel suffocated, constantly staring at yellow wallpaper that covers every part of my room. The floor is a mess of items that range from math to more-than-a-thousand paper cranes, because I have some sort of shiny object syndrome that has me in a loop of abandoning and starting new projects. It drives my mother insane whenever she goes into my room. I don't mind solitude; I have a lot to think about, sometimes I spend hours and hours in my room thinking. All day. And I get easily upset by interruptions, so I constantly find new places to be at during school so a friend doesn't bother me about looking "emo". Not only that, but I enjoy studying. That's all, but being in there when I'm not exactly doing anything makes me sad. 

I love nature, being around it always refreshes me. I feel so connected with it. I like the way rain makes the road glitter whenever a car's headlight shines on it. Purple, white, red, orange. I like staring at puddles. I like the way it shows a reflection of the sky. And even as I've seen it a million times, I feel like an alien, wanting to step inside a portal that holds a world beyond my comprehensions. Sometimes I feel like sinking into the puddle when I jump on it. Sometimes I wish I could go to some sky realm when I do that. But all it does is get my socks full of mud and temporarily distorts the vision of that world. That's okay. I like dropping rocks onto rigid puddles just to see them wiggle for a bit. Maybe they're thanking me for allowing them to dance for father knows how long. 

I like the way the wind seeps into the car every time I open the window, cleaning out the parasites eating at my brain. I get carsick easily, so I'd have to open the window to let the wind in, and it helps preventing me from throwing up for the 16th time. I like it when it's gentle, or sometimes I like it when it's chaotic. I like the way the wind sways the branches of the trees, which leaves hang down on me like a lamppost as I walk to school. I can never get enough of the sound the leaves make when they connect with each other. whsssh! Like , are you saying hi to me, tree? Hi! how are you? I love you so much, how was your day?

I like bubbles. They must be the cutest thing to exist, little round things that look like a supernova is blowing up inside of them before they *pop* when they're in the air for too long. I love bubbles. I like watching as every one of them flies into the air. I feel bad for them, as I wish they'd also soar above the plains that stretched on forever like birds. When I was 6, I played with bubbles and I would watch each "player" and see who would win the challenge of staying alive the longest. It was like a race. 

Before class starts, when everyone's busy hanging out on the blacktop, I go to the more quieter areas at school and talk to the trees. I don't know why, sometimes I believe they send signals to my brain when I talk to them. I like the big trees, because they have the most wisdom. It's quite comforting to be enveloped by the shade they give me. It's a perfectly cold blanket! I look up at it, and it looks down at me. I don't know what it thinks of me, but it does know that I like it. I talk to them about my day. How my morning was going. Then at lunch, I tell them about the things I'm learning. After school, sometimes I sit down and close my eyes, just listening to their ramblings. (their ramblings = the sounds trees make). One time I fell asleep there, and I woke up to my friends' angry parents because I didn't respond to the messages telling me to go inside the car. (i carpool with them, and the area isn't too well known by the other people)

Today I spent most of the day hugging the tree. I hope it lives as long as it deserves to, and I can't stand the knowledge that someone will cut it one day. All those years of growth, just to be cut down :( but I know it's for a good reason. Even so, the thought of it just makes me hug them tighter. I was also tracing the patterns on the tree. Some people near the area were looking at me weird, but it's not like they have anything better to do other than gossip about me.