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This is part of my ongoing transfer of poetry from my notes app to a place where perhaps it can connect with others. As always, constructive criticism and discussion is welcome. - SG
For my IRLs, believe it or not, this was not written about who you may think it was.
I’ve lost too many good friends
Like leaves shedding from a tree
I wish I could tell which ones are evergreens before I encourage the rest to root so deep
I’ve lost too many good friends
I try my best to help them
Was my best not enough?
Or was it just me?
I’ve lost too many good friends
And it hurts me to say
That I’ve always been the one who’s wound up turned away
Maybe I don’t know when to stop
Maybe I don’t know how to help
Maybe I don’t know if they need help at all.
Maybe it’s just them
Maybe it’s just me
Tonight I lost my wingman
My matchmaker
Someone who was helping me plan for my future
I’m sure that sounds romantic, but it’s not
Not with them
We were never like that, we were just friends
Tonight, they said we could be friends, just not talk often
I’m starting to think we each have a different definition for the word;
In stories there’s always the “it’s not you, it’s me”
I’m still waiting for that line from more
people that I can remember
Funny thing is, that’s not how this one turned out
It was on them
Their last message intentionally crafted to reflect all blame upon an “I” statement.
Somehow, that feels even worse
Always the last to leave the party
That’s just who I am
Maybe that’s why I love hosting them so much
Because I don’t need to feel like I’m overstaying my welcome
I suppose that’s where I keep going wrong
I keep thinking that I’m walking into the home of a new roommate, when all it really is is a birthday party
Maybe a timeshare if I’m lucky
Always something conditional
and I’ve learned to move on quick without feeling as guilty about it
I never liked putting up walls
But I’m starting to feel like life in a cubicle might not be all so bad
If you don’t let them in, then only you can hurt yourself
I told myself that I stopped hurting myself a long time ago
Maybe that’s the way to stay safe
Just bottle it all up like the old days
And wait for it to explode
Then clean up the mess and repeat.
At least that way I’d know how it would all turn out
Originally written: 20.05.2024
Comments
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Derusione_K
This one is the most vivid poem of yours I've read so far. I mean that, I can imagine the scenes of certain lines so vividly as I read them, it's so great. Idk how. I think I just love how you paint scenes in your words.
Very relatable poem for me, too. Except every sort of interaction feels like a birthday party to me, not just friendships. Every space, every person I meet, every post on social media, every chat, felt like that birthday party you described. They're all scary as hell, haha. That's why I'm here to unlearn that fear somewhat. Can you believe my comment for your Fractal poem was the one of the first few comments I've written after 1-2 years being passive on the internet? I think it's done quite a good impact on my confidence. Well, I hope you can step out of that cubicle, or maybe you already did! Sorry for yapping in your comments lol, have a great day! :D
Chronically Outdoors
Never knowing if you overstay your welcome is one of my biggest flaws I always feel like such an asshole. Also I have a sneaking suspicion about who this is about but I'm not gonna press about it obvi. Great poem it struck a chord.
Oh it's not about her it's about Nick, I don't think you ever met him.
I feel like overstaying one's welcome is a very ADHD thing. Worst part is that for some reason people seem to be reluctant to say "it's time to go home" you know? I stg it's like subtlety in the English language was created just to spite us
by Shaynen; ; Report
No fr! like why can't people just say what they mean and mean what they say! just cut the mental gymnastics crap!
by Chronically Outdoors; ; Report