i love sugar sweets what abt u?

i hate being taking advantage of. i want to be the dominant sometimes because usually im never the one in control things, friendships relationships and working with my peers. im so dissapointed of how i'm not smart or physically active. eventually at some point i just had to accept that. i hate how someone started my bad obsession with corn and i just gave them what they wanted. luckily im not in that position anymore and i dont have that obsession but im still ashamed of myself. i still sometimes like it to distract myself because the pleasure feeling is good right? Its something i enjoy because its ike youre happy but in a sexual manner. i do find comfort in being sad sometimes because  it just feels so good crying yet it can be embarresing. but when i dont want to be sad i just do that. after, i realize and feel so guilty and disgusted in myself. I miss when i still had my innocence. i know at some point we all loose it but why couldnt it end sooner. i was still a child. i absolutely hate mostly everyone at my school. i love staying home and enjoying to rest. i love my room and the nice feeling of laying down and stayng asleep. i love dreaming no matter what. i love sometimes making my self scared so i'll be aware. i feel very emotional 

i wish i was perfect and didnt have bad eating habits

. all i usually eat is sugar and snacks and avoid real food. i think their dissapoited i havent really been eating or finishing dinner. all i want is cookies, ice cream, snacks, chocolate, brownies, anything. i cat stop eating those i need them. i just need it