hiiiiiiiiiiiii

im starting to feel tired and drawn out. i know i must continue but i always feel used and no matter where i am there's always problems. i cant tell if its me or if its the person but honestly im just sensitive and expect people to care as much as i care for them because i care so much and put so much effort. i'm honestly tired of this shit. i know i have to  stay but i feel terrible. its embarresing but i sometimes do  have bad hygein  because im so tired and i dont even clean until i give yself the motivation like if my two friends that mean alot to me come over then yes i'll clean. i wish i could give my life to someone who actually needs it because i just feel completely useless and like a stupid obediant person. im already a disapointment but i know if im gone then that'll be even more dissapointing and traumatizing. corny or not i wish i was asleep but all i need is the coping machanism in my life and that's my motivation to go. i love coping. i love poetry and writing what about you? whats your favorite thing to distract you or coping