why aren't we playing paintball? where's troy and abed?

oh my gosh. university. i knew i would miss home, but i didn't know just how much. the first three weeks were rough. i'm in a bit of a weird position - i'm not living on campus, and my school is definitely not a commuter school, so

 most people made friendships or at least acquaintances within the first couple days. but i still moved away, i'm just living with my grandmother. 

it's weird. i miss my home and my loved ones with everything in me, but without friends at school, there's nothing to fill that loneliness. of course i'm glad to be living with my grandmother, but it has been very, very lonely.

even so, i'm trying to make the most of it... my campus is very pretty, there's lots of cafés, bookshops, and parks to explore in the city, and i'm more-or-less enjoying my schoolwork. so here's what a day in my life looks like, as somebody who is undeniably lame and friendless.

i wake up around 6:30am, rather unnecessarily...

i like to do something fun to start the day. this is supposed to be reading, journalling, or, on tuesdays, watching the new episode of only murders in the building, but sometimes i end up on pinterest or whatever. today, i'm writing this blog!

at 7:20 i make breakfast. almost every day, i have dippy eggs. call me a child, i don't care, i love toast soldiers! my mum used to make me 'cinnamon soldiers' when i was a kid; toast with sugar, butter, and cinnamon, cut up like soldiers.

i miss my mum a lot :-(

i usually do a bit of reading while i eat. i have a lot of heavy reading for school, so i've been rereading books that bring me comfort, like good omens. my grandmother (i call her omi) plays the radio in the morning, and altogether it's very cozy.

by 8:20 i'm out the door. i have to walk about 10 minutes uphill to my bus stop. i am very unathletic, so i'm always huffing and puffing by the time i get to my stop. i have a great playlist for autumn mornings, and i've been listening to 'undertale' on the walk, so that i am filled with determination.

every day, i see this friendly old man as i'm leaving the complex. we always say good morning to each other, and it makes me happy. i love those kinds of little interactions.

i ride the bus for 25 minutes or so. my view from the bus changes during the ride: sometimes i'm gazing out the window, looking at a beautiful, sunlit, tree-lined street, and the next thing i know it's a stretch of car dealerships. then i blink and it's all trees, colourful houses, and old churches again.

i used to live in the suburbs, so i'm getting used to the different parts of the city.

i get off the bus next to a pretty stone church. then, i walk another 10 minutes to campus. on the way, i sometimes stop at a nice coffee shop/grocery store that seems bougie, but is, in fact, reasonably priced. this past week i've been drinking apple ciders.

my school campus is very small. there are under ten buildings. however, it is adjacent to a larger school. my film class is located at this larger school, but for the most part i'm on the tiny campus.

before class starts at 9:30, i sit on a ledge for a while, listen to music, and look at the trees.

then, i hurry on to class...

my lecture is two hours long. i usually find it pretty interesting. right now, i am learning about kongzi (confucius), confucianism, and daoism. 

something i found interesting is the daoist idea of the body being the source of problems. i love the poetry of wang wei, and a quote from one of his poems connects to this idea. it says, "the body is the affliction". 

i thought a lot about that quote earlier this year, when i was sick on-and-off for months due to burnout. it was interesting to read about the ideas that inspired that line.

after my lecture, i eat lunch at the dining hall. i quite like the food at the dining hall. i usually try to 'heap my plate' so that i can really make the most out of the money i'm paying for my meal plan. the meal below is chicken souvlaki, potato wedges, bruschetta, chocolate-covered strawberries, an espresso cookie, and a glass of fruitopia.

...and this one is a fish patty, french fries, salad, a garlic finger (which i just realized is a canadian thing), potato salad, a piece of chocolate cake, and my usual glass of fruitopia :-)

i've been thoroughly documenting my meals, to show my friends from home. while eating at the dining hall, i usually go on my phone, or read. the first week of school, before i got my meal plan, i brought myself a sandwich and ate outside on a secluded patch of grass. it was actually rather nice. i only have an hour's break to eat lunch, so when that time is up, i move along to my discussion group.

in my discussion group, i talk about the lecture and reading with a small group for an hour. i will have the same group all year, so i suspect we will grow to be friends. i like some of the people in my group, and others... i really don't. but it's almost been a month, and even the people who annoy me are starting to vaguely amuse me. 

i truly now understand the archetype of 'the most annoying man in your intro to philosophy class'.

i'm realizing that without my close group of friends and a familiar environment, i can actually be somewhat anxious and reserved. in discussion, if i don't carefully think over what i'm going to say before i say it, i will inevitably stumble over my words and make no sense. but i'm sure i will become more confident as the year goes on.

at 1:30, i'm done with my classes for the day. if it's a monday or wednesday, i have a film studies class at 2:30. in the hour between, i usually sit somewhere like the library, and either do my work or... i don't. 

something i've been doing after class is going to the library so i can abuse the printer. printing is relatively inexpensive, and i know my journal hates to see me coming. i've filled it with so many ridiculous collages. at home i was the #1 fan of my local library printer, and of course i've become the same for my university library printer.

sometimes, i'll go somewhere else after classes are done. there are many neat places close to my school. i have been to a local park several times, and once took a walk through a cemetery in the rain. i've also enjoyed a chai latte at a nearby café. on my birthday, i hopped on the bus and went to a bookstore-café, where i bought piranesi. then i went to a kids' bookstore and got myself some stickers.

eventually, of course, i have to get home to do my schoolwork.

i always find myself missing everything and everyone when i'm on the bus. perhaps that's just where my mind goes when it's not distracted. a favourite song to yearn to has been 'bros' by wolf alice. 

i think of my friends all the time. they've made every effort to include me in whatever they're doing at home. just the other day, i got a package of cookies they made for me on my birthday. alongside the cookies was a QR code. it took me to a vlog they made while they baked the cookies, so that it would feel like i was there with them. i really am so lucky that they are my best friends.

when i get home, i sit at my desk, or in the living room, and attempt to do my reading. i've been... half-decent... at keeping up with it. maybe i only read about 1/3 of the iliad, when i was supposed to read the whole thing, but i read almost all of plato's republic.

there is a lot of reading. on occasion, i have a paper to work on as well. right now, i'm writing one about the power of desire in sappho's poetry. i like to drink some tea while i do my work.

however, no matter what i'm working on, i'm done by 8:30 in time for jeopardy (i'm usually done before then, because i'm a slacker. what can i say, sometimes youtube calls my name).

i spend my evenings watching jeopardy with my omi. when it's over, we watch a movie, or a bit of a show. while re-reading good omens, i had the brilliant idea to introduce her to the 2019 tv series. we're on season 2 now... i keep getting flashbacks to how it ended... 

my world changed in 2023 when season 2 came out. dead serious, it was crazy.

by then, i should go to bed, because i should be asleep by 11:30 or so. but do i ever do that? ...no. i really like my alone time, and i will get it by however means necessary. i usually spend an hour or two before bed watching something on my computer, writing and collaging in my journal, and reading. 

i've been watching a lot of youtube... some of my favourite channels right now are as follows:

• a (g.irlofhabit)
• noa maria
• triannatv
• romney ellen
• lady of the library
• butterflygirl
• phinefem
• soggyrice3
• glutenbergbible

i like to read for at least ten minutes before i turn the lights off no matter what. otherwise, it takes me even longer to fall asleep.

it's been one of the strangest experiences of my life, so far. i like my schoolwork, i think the city is beautiful and cool, and there are really lots of things to be grateful for - from my education in general, to the small pleasures. 

but i've been so lonely that the happiness i should be feeling seems inaccessible to me. i miss my friends, my family, my home, and my routine fiercely. it's an ache that never fully leaves me. i enjoy my own company, but i miss having people to talk to. i'm always either alone, or with my extended family. i love them, but my family and friends back home understand me. when i'm around them, i don't have to explain myself or change myself, not even a little bit. i miss that.

i'm trying to stay optimistic... like i said, there's lots to enjoy. i've been having fun journalling, writing, reading, and watching tv and movies. i am excited that it's autumn now. the leaves are already starting to change colour! i already feel more adjusted, like i'm beginning to properly settle in.

i hope everyone else who's starting university or college is having a good time!