red, by haruki. (tw: SH)

i stared in the mirror

bare and numb.

it stung

as i took my steps,

painful and unsure,

the floors painted red.

i hid in the shower, 

succumbed to the darkness, 

with such a cold tiled floor.

beneath the water,

i felt it run down my legs.

such a strong scent of iron.

but how addictive it was,

to have my lungs full of it.

to watch, as the red

rushed down the drain

i knew it’d leave marks

and i knew i’d forever be scarred

but nothing could fulfill me more

then to watch my blood

run down the drain

and hide away 

as i had always done. 

my last breath

would not be a cry

but a laugh,

for now that i had died

i’d finally 

truly start living

a life

i never

wanted.