mika'z log 7 - thingz r weird

heyo again esteemed friendz and scrollerzby

thingz r still weird 

i don't rlly know how to make this a complex detailed thing and i think itz why i dont rlly write these anymoar. i'm probably just gonna keep up w weird dot pointz n summariez of life updatez to try to post again. so, what'z been up?

uni kinda suckz liek, a lot. but in saying that, i've been determined to thug my way thru the rest of the semester and see what happenz. basically, i've not adjust well to the bachelor workload AT ALL. i've had mixed feelingz about it (i.e. stressing out and wondering if i should stay and wondering if i even have it in me to engineer anymoar) but eventually i came to the realization that thiz happened last time and literally nothing happened. i felt shitty, pushed thru, redid my failed classez, and still got my associate degree. it'll probably b okay.

tbh it doesnt help that campuz iz a 2 HOUR PUBLIC TRANSPORT TRIP from my house o_O u couldnt pay me to go in (u prolly culd but,,, the price is quite high), especially cuz i live in a shithole and uni is in a shittier shithole </3 i miss the city so fkin muuuch

the trip iz a whole thing cuz by car is liek, 50 minutes WITH RLLY BAD TRAFFIC. i rlly want a car and now that i care (ive never rlly needed one bcuz of the area i live in + being far more agoraphobic now lol i'm liek a pseudo-shut in) itz making me realise that WOW everyone haz 1 and is a real adult and not a huge loser :// oopz

unfort thatz part of a web of issuez i'm having financially. my jawb has liek no hourz available cuz head office r stingy mfz, and my hourly iz big and huge ($30ish i think??) so i'm nevar called in sigh..... and ofc. no money meanz no car and no car meanz less uni for a better job later and no transport for a better job now and 1 billion yearz of train time on the crackhead express to see my darling partner... 

i'm somewhat optimistic abt the whole money/job/car dilemma cuz at least if one problem solves itself all the otherz will fall into place but itz FIXING ONE AAAAAAA nobody iz hiring and if nawt they only SAY they are and therez nothing i can do . it doesnt help that i want a job in something different :// can  u imagine how fucked id be if i spent like 7 yearz in a cafe then went into engineering? fuuuck that so NO experience added to the no car no money etc rant earlier. u can connect the dots. 

cant even make money on furry porn cuz mfz havent got money to buy furry porn we r so cooked. and ofc there'z the lingering zoomer dread of the world iz fucked but we all know that so who carez XDDD 

also evil ass triggering section ignore me if u dont wanna hear abt my food problemz (so fair so real)

my ed is liek . better and worse. i don't feel like shit all the time anymoar and i havent been binging (or restricting in a mentally ill way) AZ MUCH but god do i when i'm stressed and az u can probably tell by my incoherent doomer rambling. i'm so stressed . :)))

AT THE VRY LEAST !! my bf and i went to a costume party az asgore and toriel (UNdivorced obv) ((no.1 asgore defender)) and i cooked hard azf on our shit so we basicallyyy won. 

idk . stuff suckz but only a bit. and only for a bit. stay hoping pookiez lawl mika luvz u