FUCK MY LIFE

Sep 23 2025

Third coast is tomorrow at my school. If you dont know third coast is an event where collage reps from all over the country come to your school in person to review your art portfolio. Only juniors and seniors participate in this event at my shcool. Last year we were all expected to hang up some of our artwork’s on the wall and we all had our little areas to do so. For context my current portfolio consists of some digital artwork that was printed at 8.11x5, and some that were 17x15 inches. I also have a few paintings that are 18x24 inches, and one that is very long and a little thin. (I never made measurements cause im lazy as fuck).

Last week one of the assistant teachers came up to me to ask if i had art i wanted to hang up my art on the wall. I told her i wanted to hang up 2-4 of my peices. I remained pretty linieant because i knew that there may not be enough space for everyone but i still wanted something to go on the wall. 

On Monday the teacher told everyone that thye will tell them when thier art can be hung up, so i waited while working on my other artwork. Today while i was walking into class i saw THE WHOLE GOD DAMN WALL BEING COVERED BY ONE STUDENTS ARTWORK. ALL OF HIS ARTWORK WAS HUGE AND IT TOOK UP SO MUCH FUCKING SPACE. I said out loud “WHAT THE HELL?! HIS ARTWORK IS COVERING THE WHOLE ASS WALL!!!11” to my freind and my art teacher heard me say it, she pulled me aside and scolded me for being disrespectful. I told her something along the lines of “okay, can I go to class now?”. She said no and continued to scold me. But she eventually let me go. (This is important for later in the story)

Later in class i ask my teacher when i will be able to hang up my art. She says im not on the list to hang up my art. Even though that like i mentioned earlier the assistant teacher had me written down. So i go ask her if she wrote me down. She says “yes i did, im trying to advocate for you but the situation is [another word for complicated]”. I didn’t know what to do in that moment so i went to my locker to get art supplise. My freind came up to me and knew i was upset and he told me that one of my other art teachers may have made room for me, so i go to him and ask  “do you have any space for me to hang up art?” He takes me outside to talk to me, and says that my other art teacher (I’ll caller her ms. F for less confusion) said that i said things about the department in the hallway. 

If you have more than a 5 second memory then you would remeber me telling you exactly what i said about the students artwork, which had nothing to do with the department itself. So ms. F straight up lied to my other art teacher. 

At this point im crying in anger :(which i dont do often) and ms. F comes outside to talk to me. I honestly can barely remeber what she told me cuz it was the same bullshit she had been telling me so long and at that point my brain had started to automatically recognize her speech as incoherent shit i shouldnt be listening to. 

To summarize she tells me that she wanted to prioritize 3D art such as sculpture and canvas on wooden frames.( i didnt stretch my paintings) and since that was the case my 2d art didnt need to be put on the wall. She also told me that it would be better to have all my artwork together in one cardboard portfolio my artist themes were “narritive”. 

I want to pivot for a second to talk about themes. I never wanted the label “narritive” in my art. This is becasue the word reminds me of a story. My artwork typically includes compositions surrounding the struggles of a character, or an invirement that speaks to my broader perspective. Everytime someone looks at my art they ask me “so, whats the story?” But i dont make my art for that purpose. I dont want to have to explain every  piece of symbolism to you. I want to know how you connect to the image on its own. How does it make you feel? What does of my choice of color tell you? What do YOU think? Stop asking me to explain everything. Honestly at this point i feel as though im becoming pretentious, but the agitation never stops. 

And no, ms. F, it would not be better for my art to be all together because it would be too big and hang off the fucking table. My teachers tell me that they could reconsider hanging up my art. But i refused. The reason i did so is becasue i felt as though it would be unfair to other artists who also have 2d art. I dont wanna be able to hang up my art just cause i cried. 

This wouldn’t have been so bad for me if it weren’t for the fact that if that kid who had his art covering the wall took ONE piece down i would be able to fit my art on the wall. But no. He has to hang up every piece he has ever made and make everyone else suffer cause of it. If everyone had taken up an equal amount of space on the walls then my whole “outburst” wouldve never happened. It’s clear that they are prioritizing him over the others, and making up excuses for other artists to bow down and follow command. It’s ridiculous.i hate my life. I cried so hard it looked like someone gave me two black eyes after.

When i get home i tell my mom everything that happened. She seems empathetic at first but then later sends me a screenshot of an AI overview of “the four stages of anger”

Me:tf

Mom:{sends another screenshot}

Me: why are u sending me this

Mom: u cant have outbursts at school

Me:i litterally stayed calm for so long i was so freaking patient wtf else was supposed to happen

Mom: being reactive like that puts other people in control of you

Me:do you think i did that on purpose. You’re mistaking being outspoken for being reactive. Everyone else is having the same issues as me.

Mom: you can control how you react to anything

Me:did ms. F email u or something 

Mom: yep

I asked her what it said and she told me that Ms. F told her that the representatives from the schools were tiered of getting up to look at peoples art. Which makes NO GODDMAN SENSE BECASUE ALMOST VERYONE HAS 3D ART SO THEY WOULD HAVE TO GET UP ANYWAYS. I CANT FUCKING BELIVE MY MOM WOULD TAKE HER SIDE AFTER SEEING MY FUCKING FACE. SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW ANGRY I REALLY AM SHE IS JUST SCRATCHING THE SURFACE I EXHERT SO MUCH SELF CONTROL EVERYDAY JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESNT SUFFER AND SHE DOESNT CARE

AM I BEING A FUCKING BRAT WHY IS EVERYTHING I DO WRONG 

FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE I HATE MY LIFE