lover girl era?? (hell naw)

“Guess- guess what?”
“What?”

I think I love you. 
Not in that way. Not in the way you think either. 
A lot of the time I feel as though there isn’t a good label to describe most things. What’s the word for when you wake up early during winter and it’s still dark outside but in that moment it feels like you haven’t left your dreams yet?
How do I describe that warmth that spreads through my body when I drink something just hot enough to keep me sane after a long day.
Is there a word that can summarize that montage that runs through my mind of me spending forever with you when you press pure affection and love into my cheek with a kiss?
Every language ever created by man is so limiting.
No word in the dictionary could capture that jump my heart makes when you’re here with me.
I can’t put a label on this. I can’t squeeze what you mean to me into one word. 
I don’t think I want to either. 
I’ll spend the rest of my days building a home in you.
I’ll memorize every vein in your body, every bump, every scar, every dip, every electrical impulse going through your neurons.
Gosh I love you so much. It aches so strongly I can feel it throbbing all throughout my capillaries with nowhere else to go, it might make me burst.
But I know I can’t let this consume me.
I’ve learned to never trust anyone as good as you. No matter how badly I want to turn off all my sense with a single track mind to make you happy, I won’t allow myself this.
You’re just a boy and I’m just a girl. It would never end well.
Or maybe I’m terrified. 
Terrified of hurting you in some way.
You would already drop to your knees, scraping them against the rough ground, for me. The girl you chose to worship was never blessed herself.
Instead, she was so graciously gifted skin with spikes protruding out the tissue, hands that froze anything that was touched, nails that never behaved, digging into the flesh of loved ones and a posture that never seemed to ease up, guarded every second of the day.
Despite that, you would willingly put yourself through hell just to see me smile when you’re completely ruined.
Even if it was out of sadism, you would still savor that curve of my lips like it was something heavenly.
You’ll look up at me like I’m your god and I’ll destroy you like I am.
I was never taught to love gently; nor will I ever learn to.
I’m sorry.
I won’t kiss you for your sake, for I may make the mistake of sinking my teeth into you and relish the blood that coats my tongue.
I pray one day you’ll be showered with the love you give and more than the world can offer.
You’re perfect

“You’re fucking stupid”, I spit out.
I didn’t expect more than that to come out my mouth but you laughed just the same.
I definitely love you.