why university sucks atm (trying to remind myself the world won’t end if I drop out)

I haven’t been online in a WHILE!! a lot has happened since my first entry 0-0!! For one, I graduated high school!! (I didn’t think it was possible) and I’m now in uni in a different country in a big city! It’s close so I still leech off mommy and daddy. But so far I’m anxious, cry every day, can’t sleep. No one helps you, teaches you. Nothing. I know next to no one. :-/

First week passed and I’m starting the second, all the classes seem so hard, and no one talks about how you will understand nothing at first. Books cost me an arm and a leg. I have made no friends! Getting to class takes 1 hour from my small city. It’s not romantic at all, I miss my free time, and I’m only allowed 2 absences per class. I’ve been contemplating life more than ever. And that’s okay. I’m not always the kindest to myself. But I want to be. :)

Today was a particularly bad day. That’s okay, that’s normal. I can’t wait to see why tomorrow will be a great day though! Maybe my new laptop will arrive? Maybe my bf will leave me a cute message? Maybe I’ll make a friend! Maybe someone will smile at me! Maybe I’ll finally understand the materials in class and have fun? o7

If uni doesn’t work out then it’s not meant to be. if they kick me out then it’s just a sign I’m supposed to be somewhere else. Time won’t have been wasted; it means I needed to experience this to figure something else out. At least then I’ll know what DOESN’T work, which means one step closer to finding out what does. ^_^

But don’t be negative either. I never thought I’d graduate and I did. Maybe I’ll nail uni eventually even though I don’t think so yet. And even if it doesn’t work out I still have my graduation certificate (I’m already in the minority of people that managed that!). There’s always another opportunity, another way. The stream/river will take you there.

I will try my best (that’s all I can do). If it doesn’t work, no need to beat yourself up, build yourself up. I will prevail, I love myself, I want to be kind to myself. And you all should too. It’s not easy; it’s intentional. Loving yourself is not something natural, it takes effort. It’s a choice you’ll have to make daily, and some days will be bad. But for there to be bad days, there must be good days too.

Why will your day tomorrow be good? :’)