Tomorrow

The butterflies in my stomach
Throw themselves against my insides
I feel so terribly nauseous 
Is this what a crush is supposed to feel like? 

I will see her tomorrow 
At the Christmas party
And she will likely ask
What it was I wanted to tell her

Because on the last day before the break
I texted her, asking if we could talk
She said she might be able to
But she had to leave 

I stood there at dismissal 
In my favorite long sleeve black v neck
My makeup done meticulously early that morning
I never got to say a word to her

I saw her for a moment
My heart pounded so hard 
I thought it might rip through my chest
But she was gone in an instant

My friends gave me a sort of pitying look
They told me it would be alright
That they were rooting for me
That they were sure me telling her would go well

I have been doing tarot readings every day
Desperate to know what to do
Each reading has been the same
Always new beginnings, yes, and love meanings

I pray to whatever force or entity is out there
That I don’t mess things up
I don’t even necessarily pray that she likes me back
Just that I don’t ruin our existing friendship 

She likes someone too, I think
She posts things on her Instagram story implying it
I do the same
I don’t know if she’s caught on or not

I pray that I will have a chance to talk to her tomorrow
I pray that I can tell her how I feel
I pray that I don’t mess up our friendship 
And I pray that she feels the same 


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