my nails breaking

woke up on sunday morning and cried. cried because I am transgender and the world hates me. 

but then I remembered my free will.

I felt I wasn't exercising it enough, taking advantage of the potential I had to use. so I sat up in bed and I thought.

I thought "what can I do with this, what can I do." I can draw, that's something I can do. but what do I draw ? the same thing I always do ? no, that wouldn't be a good example of taking advantage of my free will, so I'll draw something different.

gay emo furry nsfw art, that is what I'll draw. it's something I've not ever drawn before. but I'd be a damn liar if I say I didn't enjoy it.

for the first time in a long time I felt I really did draw something that was completely for myself.

no other eyes will ever see it, for myself it will stay. but listen to me when I say this now.

I have cried, I have been mad, I've laughed and I've sulked. I've been horny, I've been kind, I've been something cruel and vindictive. I've been feared but also scared myself, and I've been hugged and embraced. kissed and smacked and thrown around, closed and opened and loud, soft, and warm. something beautiful like a cunt and something foul like a cunt. I've loved you and you loved me back, and I've hated you and you hated me back. I have been something so utterly human. 

and along with these human emotions, I am transgender. it is a feeling so intimate to me and it will always be the most powerful driving force behind my free will. 

it drives me and let's me live.

I will live in this world that hates me, and I will love it. but I don't think I will ever just like you.