So I'm like losing it

So me and him talked today like actually and stuff and I already knew this but him being mean is his way of hiding his feelings.he said maybe one day we can get back I'm hoping it's soon.i also found out that it's partly about something that happened to him at his old school.ive still been sending him the lil love letters and I texted him "I miss u papito"(I remember exactly how I gave him that nickname 🥹🙃) but I'm kinda worried I won't mean anything now that his mom is forcing him to be with someone that can suck him off (still don't know why she's forced him but I heard she did it before and ask a girls parents if they could cuz she thought it would fix his attitude but that's not the problem, the problem is he just wants to be understood and she kinda yells at him All the time like yea he should had done the dishes but he's not ok and he's using the game to avoid his feelings and problems so I think the dishes can wait)but basically I'm scared that I won't be good enough anymore especially with it being long distance(like 4-6 hours idk plus my parents are kinda strict and might not know 😭) like yea ik what he prefers to eat and some of his favorite things and that he hates his middle now and that he doesn't like tell many people about his bunbun but he's adorable with it,ik that he likes it when I actually talk(I'm very shy and quiet and I usely just talk to myself instead of him on calls but I try to talk to him alot I just get she especially cuz I mumble a lot),ik he hate this one cod and it makes me giggle listening to him yap about it,ik he loves his pet mouses (we have this lil joke about rat soup even tho they're the other thing),ik he likes his toast a lil burnt,ik he only like the egg whites, and that before he goes to sleep he watches YouTube videos about games and stuff,and ik that he prefers YouTube shorts over like anything else 😭I think it's weird but it's cute but I worry that he's a boy and boys usely goes with the perfect one that can suck them off whenever so will I be enough and will we really have a chance again.

    ~nayah🦫