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hello i like to talk :o)

i have an essay due on tuesday... but i do NOT wanna do it...  blehhh you cant make me (<-- will fail the class otherwise)

i think i can rush it since its a draft technically... dr aston please send an email i need to know when its seriously due

working on some artwork... or... well.... thinking about it. i have my drawing tablet in my lap and my stylus being held between my legs. i think once i open the files i'll be more motivated to work... but idk..... its almost 12 am.

college has less work than i thought but also less people nagging me to do the assignments... i'm still finding my way around and my brain is telling me there will be leniency when there really won't be. i'm too used to highschool... what do you mean my extrovert person isnt here to make all my connections? fuck!

it's hard to make friends here. that's alright. to be completely fair to myself, i DID go out of my way to talk to people. people love a goth dude who looks like a chick, but it's hard to talk past that. hey, nice makeup!! thanks!! your hair is really nice!! lets trade instagrams!! okay!! [spoiler: they never talk past that.] i tried being friends with this one dude who had the courage to ask to hang out but he was weird. 

he wasn't good at holding conversations. okay, fine, whatever, i'll do the talking... he asks the questions, i talk on and on and on until i lost my breath. i'd be thinking of what to say next when he'd interrupt with, "Anyways..." anyways? anyways what??? usually theres something after anyways???

ANYWAYS.... he also called me a slur while we were at chick fil a. and he was calling me short in the weird way too. and he called me the n word over text. and he said we were BEST FRIENDS despite knowing each other for less than 3 days. best friends?? you wouldn't know my favorite color if i wasn't dressed in it. ANYWAYS... 

i think blogging about my life helps me sort it out a little. although i'm bad at writing, typing out how everything's going helps me think of how to put things in order; how/where to begin, what to add, where it ends, and what should be done afterwards. i think this'll help me improve my essay writing? but i'm unsure. i've always sucked at essays. i think its better just to have a conversation. i can go on and on about a topic if you can get me to start up on it.

i celebrated my birthday on the 16th! happy 19, edgar! you survived way longer than expected! my parents came to my dorm to bring me cake and take me out to eat, then on the 17th my grandma came by (i totes forgot she was coming so i had to throw on some clothes in like 5 mins) and took me to eat as well. i cut off a guy i didn't like on my birthday, kinda ruined the vibe a little but at least i stood up for myself and my morals. went back home friday, had some canes, i LOVE canes. there's no canes in the town my college is in... or dunkin donuts... or olive garden... or spirit halloween... or five below... or anything worthwhile besides a goodwill. omg forgot to say. my grandma took me to goodwill after dinner. the goodwill here is actually loaded and the prices are good as well. $5 each for a majority of shirts, and discounts are on wednesdays!

anyways on saturday we went to texas roadhouse for my actual birthday celebration... week long birthday celebration, i know, i'm so special.... tried something a little different ("roadkill", which is usually what i get minus the cheese... so basically i paid extra for cheese? i think the steak was different actually...) and it wasn't half bad... obviously filled up on rolls.

i got my actual gift there... spooky kitty! from build a bear... i know it's childish of me but i really love plushies. my parents named it "max" (i'm trying to transition to the name maxim but i'm unsure if i like it for myself) because they didn't know what i'd want to name it. in its paw, there's a button that plays my siblings singing happy birthday to me! really sweet. did you know my boyfriend has the original pumpkin kitty? really awesome. i'm going to rob him. (not serious luca dont send me to jail.)

my boyfriend moved into his dorm! he's really anxious. i thought he'd like it more than he does, but it's okay, i get it... he's in a totally different state so it's harder. i only moved towns, and i got lucky and got a single... i'd give it to him in an instant if i could. his roommate is annoying.

i'm worried about him... it's only natural. i mean, when your soulmate is stressing, it's kind of hard NOT to be worried... so i've been trying to reassure him it'll be alright no matter what.

damn. this laptop hurts my wrists. thats enough for now. hey, does anyone even read this?

okay okay.   edgar signing off. bye bye!