[blogging] was it really better back then?

Earlier this night, I found my old audio recorder from my childhood. My mum gave it to me so that I could record songs and listen to them later, but I also recorded anything and everything else. I know plenty of people whose childhood memories are recorded on old camcorders- mine were on that audio recorder. There's a girl who I know like a sister, and so many of my memories with her are recorded there. We were seven years old and playing with her loudest toys to recreate the sound of what we imagined I giant robot would sound like-- which was very, very loud. If she ever wanted to remember what it sounded like when I dumped a can of super bouncy balls on her bedroom floor, there's a file of that too. 

I listened to the recordings and I remembered what it was like to be that age-- or, what I think it was like. They call it rose tinted glasses, but I see it distinctly through a hazy, sunny filter. I could swear the sun really did feel different on my skin back then. Then, I turned ten, and from then on it all feels dark. I don't want to get into specifics, but something happened around that age and I don't think life has ever felt the same since then. I used to think normal thoughts. I want so badly to be bright and sunny again, but it just doesn't come naturally anymore. I wonder what happened sometimes. Did the world change? Or did it always feel dull? Did I spend my youth in a lie? If so, does that make the dullness reality? Maybe I was the one who changed. I don't want to romanticize the past. I hear plenty about the issues that were happening during my 00s childhood that I was just too young to comprehend back then, so maybe it's just growing up. I just wish it happened less suddenly.

(PS- I apologize for the less optimistic tone of this post, especially since it's my first one in a month. I don't plan to post like this too often, so don't worry.)