Everything Sux - a reflection

A lot of stuff has been going on in my life, my mom's cancer is back. She has to get a feeding tube put in her stomach, and she's freaking out about that. I mean honestly, how much can a teenage girl TAKE?!

My mom has a rare cancer called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis, she's had it since I was around five years old. She's done radiation twice, this will be her third time. This time... I don't know. I'm finally old enough to realize that we're basically cheating death every time we do this. I'm finally realizing that my mother could actually die because of this.

My grandmother, who was the only person who I could ever go to about stuff like this passed away coming up on three or four years ago now. 

I am so lost, and I fear I will never be found.

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That was April 20th, 2025. Today is September 19th, 2025. So it's safe to say a lot has changed. My mom completed radiation but has only gotten worse. I hate everything. The only good thing I have going for me is my girlfriend, we've been dating for a while. I'm going to be 18 this year, and really I feel like I'm going backwards.

I don't feel like I'm getting older. I feel like I'm just going back to how I used to be. I don't like this. I feel so lost. Idk what I'm supposed to do. I still feel like a scared little girl.