My thursday

hi yall!! i'm feeling really thankful for what i have right now and it feels so good i thought i'd post about it 😊i don't have anyone to share my happiness with right now, i'm just in my room and my roommates aren't really people that care for this kind of stuff, but i'm really thankful for everything in my life right now!! my perspective on life has changed so much in such little time and it's only getting better!! i've made so many new friends this year whether it's online or real life, and i feel like after a lifelong struggle of pain and apathy i feel like i can actually look forward to the future... and i'm thankful for that!! i don't have any big plans for my life but it's such an overwhelming feeling to actually care about it. sometimes it can be a lot. i have a lot of fear of what could come but there's also a lot of joy and hope and bliss in knowing that i'm gonna be okay after all i went through. i just know it!! it's incredible and i wanna just spread that happiness to everyone i meet!! i wanna spend my days doing the best i can for myself, and being gentle and kind because i really took life for granted for a long time. i didn't really wanna be here and i'm so happy i get to live and listen to music and exist and just be. i realized after a long time that i was expecting more of myself when i knew i couldn't do the expectations placed on me in a life i didn't want to live, and that made me so so so depressed every day. i'm still learning what kind of life i want to live and what kind of person i actually am underneath all the old expectations, but i'm so thankful just to be able to explore that. it's an odd feeling to know you're shedding parts of yourself and growing every day. i can look back at any video or photo or anything and know that yes, it's still me, but it's not me anymore. it's like seeing an old friend kind of... one that passed away or something. i feel like i've grown so much just in the past year alone that the person i was before then is getting less and less recognizable every day. the weight of my existence and everything it entails can sometimes be heavy but i've gotten better at telling myself it'll all pass. i really like the expression "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end", i feel like it helps me a lot in hard times as of late. being thankful for everything that has happened to me is kind of hard at the moment but i know i'll get better at that too. i have so much to learn and see and try and people to love and places to go i'm just so excited and thankful that i'm here and ready for it. love u all!!!!!! stay hydrated today peeps 😋hope your thursday night is amazing -river!!!!!!!!!!