life is hard again

yesterday i got a discord notification from my friends about going to that amusement park halloween event i talked about in my last blog. and i was confused because it said "Hey @[university] crew IT IS TIME TO DECIDE WHAT DAY IS [THE EVENT]!!" with a poll of all the dates. and two things occurred to me

1. i thought id already talked to [my friend] about going on the weekend i was visiting, and
2. why is it only sundays (the day i go home on)?

and so i replied "i was hoping to go w you guys when i visit :'3" and [my friend] said "the 17th and 18th are 63 & 72$ :((" and the ones on sunday they were listing were $49-51. and it honestly has irritated me a bit because like. i was super excited to go to [the event] because they all go together every year and always talk about how fun it is and i always see pics of them having so much fun in the gc. and the one ticket is only $12 more. and i know they can afford it !!! one of my friends gets their college paid for from their parents and gets an allowance from them !!!! my friends have school jobs !!! i see texts in the gc of them going out to restaurants to eat !!!! i've rearranged my finances and planned everything down to the cent to drop $200 on a 9 hour bus ride just to visit them (they always ask me every year when im coming up), but they decide by themselves that they can't spend an extra $12 on a ticket so that i can go with them to an event i always miss ???

i never get to see my friends. they all went to the same college, and i didn't get in because i was too stupid. i've been working for my entire post-high school life at shitty retail/food service jobs. their parents pay for their college. they all grew up being well off and/or upper-middle class. i grew up in poverty. i hate being the poor friend. i hate that no one can be as flexible for me as i am for them