I am the teen that I wanted to be

Hey, so that's my first blog, but I kinda wanted to muse a bit and maybe someone will read it.

Okay, well, when I was a kid, I had a pretty good view of how I wanted to look and be like as a teenager. Cool, confident, popular, even edgy in a way. I always knew that I wanted to dye my hair, wear black, lots of make-up, have a boyfriend that's like, older and cooler. And maybe it's pretty cheesy, but a few days ago I just felt everything... click.

I was standing in my boyfriends kitchen. We had just dyed our hair, blasting loud music and making out shamelessly. And I just had a huh moment. I was doing all the things I saw on TV shows like Victorious or some other generic teen sitcom I shouldn't have watched with 3 years old. 

I'm not the too loud, nerdy, pretty poor kid, that's always friends with everyone but also no one at the same time anymore. Okay, well, kinda, I'm still loud, nerdy and poor, but I have real friends.

I go outside every weekend, I go to parties, real parties with loud music and alcohol and stuff, I go shopping whenever I have money, I have a vanity for fucks sake! (Yes, I always wanted a vanity as a kid, okay?)

And I know for others it sounds stupid, like of course I do that, it's pretty normal teen stuff, but most people in my class literally sit inside and doomscroll, that's everything they do, and a year ago or something I thought that everything was a lie and people actually don't do things anymore, don't have real friends, or hobbies or, like, actual fun I always saw in those stupid teen movies.

So, I think, if young me would see me now, she'd be pretty happy actually, and that makes me happy.