I feel like a fake gal (vent)

I've been feeling like this for a while now and I just want to get it off my chest. I feel like such a fake gal. not because of the makeup but the mindset. I want to be strong (mentally) but I'm not. If I stay like this my mental health will deteriorate and I'll be a pa gal. If I don't do gyaru I'll be a pa gal. It's a lose lose situation. I get so anxious that I can't even bring it up to my gyarusa because I'm afraid of being seen as a TikTok gal. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place so any help from other gals will be appreciated.