life of a loser

currently writing this while all lights are out and im listening to emo music (im still cheering for 1980s us hockey team)

this is kinda a vent n a rant?

everything sucks lots like serious lets go by parts
hobbies: i suck. my drawings are terribke and never get  better, my guitar skills are dying every seconds it passes, and to top it all with misery the only thing i was good at: gym i cant go for a month so not only i suck at the rest im skinny now and lost all my progress

school: i failed, i got 4 on physics and i know im gonna suck at these math tests
also wbt social life on school? terrible, everyone looks at me with digust due to my appearance (i look like equius or a fucking a hobo) and the only people who talk to me only talk bc they are scared i hurt people again
God i dont want to be feared again i want to be loved not feared, people will listen to my stories and get away as soon as possible

i have respect which came from anger and war but is it respect when you are feared?

on social life: i rarely see my friends they are all busy with something so everyday its just me alone on my room waiting for the day to pass or the blood to go

i have nothing pretty much im a mediocre person i peaked 2 years ago and i will never  have such a good life again

i tried talking to a girl but like 1 minute in she just left. am i that repugnant?