Confused and answering my own questions.

Does anything really matter if I plan on killing myself anyways? 

I've said I'm gonna do it a million times and tried twice. What if I don't kill myself, then I'm stuck like this. With all these bad choices. 

I have nothing in my future so what's the point. 

What's the point of making difficult decisions, I guess the point would be if I do live then I wouldn't be in a tuff spot. 

But I'll always end up sad. 

I hate myself and I wish I was somebody else or something else or a bird or something. 

I do this to myself. No matter what I do something to make myself sad. 

I don't understand why. Is it because I hate myself and want myself to be sad, or do I do it subconsciously. 

Cheesy bananas (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤︎