"Moving Day" -> A Tale of Where We're Going PT 2

The lights had been packed up, as had River’s laptop, books, and bass guitar. River’s food stockpiles along with dishes and bowls and cutlery had been divided up. So in a way, Missy had indeed gone to war on River’s apartment. Other members of their group (namely, Zoe, Jenna, and Val) had taken turns to come and help. But Missy took charge. She wanted to put her foot down and flex her big-sister-energy attitude. 

Something about the words ‘separate things into piles’ shook another memory loose within River’s mind. She would never claim to be the world champion at compartmentalizing, but to be fair, it had more or less helped her get this far. Putting things in piles was a way to organize by division before reassembling them later once they had a proper place to call home. 

Home. And where was home, for River? Well it was now here, in Baltimore. With all of her new friends who loved her unconditionally. Why? Just because she was with them. And home sure as hell was not in Arizona, both in terms of time and space. She didn’t have to make her friends happy in order for them to love her. Regardless, love had been something of a loaded gun for River. Missy’s voice faded in and out like an unstable Wi-Fi connection. Right now, River wasn’t focusing on her; she was focusing on her mind palace instead. 

She was sitting in a courtroom, shaking hands with her lawyer and actually sharing a genuine hug with her mercurial mother. After enduring two and half years of heartbreak, control, fear, and manipulation, her now ex-boyfriend Chase was paying for his sins. He was going to jail. Where if he tried to abuse anyone else, he would fail. Miserably. River didn’t even hear the length of the sentence. That part didn’t matter. He was led away towards the back of the courtroom, in the direction of the judge’s chambers. He wasn’t going to be escorted through the gallery of spectators. That sort of thing might happen on TV, but the judge was too sensible and no-nonsense for it to fly in his domain. Either way, she was free.

Free. Free. FREE. FREE.

“River?”

“Huh?”

“You sure you don’t want a snack or a cup of tea? I’m sure you must be tired.” Missy said, a look of puzzled concern on her face. “This shit is stressful, I get it.” 

“No, I’m fine,” River answered. “I know we’ve been busy, but we’re just getting started on this fiasco.”

“Hey, that was my word for it, not yours,” Missy said gently, now pressing a hand to River’s forehead, as if checking to see if she was clammy or feverish.

“I guess maybe we should sit somewhere.” River said, peering around as if making sense of her surroundings.  

“How about on the bed?”

“I meannnn, normally I would say yes, but I feel like climbing on it would just encourage my body to pass out. And that would be…rawr. A problem.”

“...Did you just say rawr out loud? Unironically?”

“It means ‘I love you’ in Dinosaur. Weren’t you ever on MySpace?”

“From the very beginning, darling.”

“Okay, whatever, let's just sit there.” River relented.

“I need to ask you something, River.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Why do you wear what you wear? Trust me, I’m not being judgy. It’s very…eclectic. It’s very…you. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that in a bad way AT ALL. I’m just genuinely curious.”

Just then, it occurred to River that while she had told Henry (and Brandon) a lot about her childhood and her backstory in life, she hadn’t opened up much to the other members of their group. Well, except Val. Out of all the girls, River bonded with Val the most; she felt like she could confide in her about almost anything. But the greater portion of love is trust, and that trust was something that River was protective of. She was more guarded about it now, of course. She had learned her lesson about that. But River could also tell that Missy wasn’t going to use the information as a weapon. And since she had already told the two most important boys in her life about her past, she knew exactly what to say, and more or less how to say it.

“I don’t know if Henry or Brandon told you, but I grew up in Arizona. Tucson, to be exact. Oh wait no, let me back up. I was born in San Francisco but my mom, Meredith, was still in high school. My grams and poppity were like, super religious, right? So they kicked her out. My dad was from Arizona so we moved there, but then he left, so I don’t know where he is now. Or what he’s doing. But my mom still lives in Arizona, and I moved here because I’m going to school. And hey, I realllllyyyyy needed to get away from home and I’m basically across the country, so that’s far enough, right? Anyway, to answer your question…growing up, we didn’t have too much. Meredith did her best to support me and her, but it did a number on her. She got…well fuck, what’s that word? Not bitter? Well no, she was but WHAT WAS THAT GODDAMNED WORD?!”

Missy, who hadn’t flinched when River shouted, supplied the next word: “Jaded?”

“Yeah,” River said, taking a quiet breath. “That’s it.” She went through a quick breathing exercise. Getting worked up and yelling like that went against her idiom. And Missy could tell. She picked up River’s near hand, brought it to her mouth, and pressed a soft kiss to the back of it.

“Do you want to keep talking about this?”

“Not really, but I think I need to. Whether it’s from my un-parental parental units or just me, or my narcissistic ex who’s in jail now, by the way - I’ve got trust issues. Loads of them. Besides you, only Henry, Brandon, and Val have an idea of it. I haven’t felt brave enough to tell any of the others. Does that make me a coward?”

“No, honey.” Missy whispered. “It just makes you human.”

At that moment, River wished she hadn’t packed up so much of her stuff - specifically some of her plushies. Like Flip, the plush penguin she had when she was small. But like so many other things, River had had to leave him behind when the time came. She fidgeted. “Ugh. Being human sucks.”

“Yeah, I know. And it keeps getting worse all the time. But hey, we love you. All of us. And we’re overjoyed that you’re here with us. You may not feel brave enough or smart enough or strong enough to be part of our gang. But that’s why we’re a family. Whatever one of us lacks, someone else can provide. We chose each other, and that’s what matters. It might be why none of us seem to date people outside the circle…anyway, I’m losing the plot. Do you still want to keep going?”

River’s eyes sparkled with unshed tears. She leaned forward and kissed Missy on the lips, then pulled back and scratched her chin, a giggle bubbling out of her mouth. “I know, I know, I’m with Henry and you’re with Zoe. I just…really needed to do that. It felt right. You won’t tell anyone, will you?”