homecoming..I guess?

Ok, so...homecoming happened last night.. 

and I don't know how to feel about it. 

so basically, before I say anything else, I have a twin sister who goes to an entirely different school than me, its kinda like a tech type of high school, and they have dances and all that, and my sister was able to bring a plus one to homecoming if she wanted to. So she asked me and I was all like "uh alright" and agreed to go I guess.

 Anyway so I'm getting dropped off at the front doors to the dance right? Immediately I'm already regretting it. And it was like till 8-10 pm and I just kinda sat on my ass and looked dumb for like the first hour of the entire dance which totally fucking sucked. But I did know some of the girls at the dance so I was fine I guess, but my social awkwardness was already at its limit and I didn't want to be breathing in axe body spray and the smell of balloons so I just asked one of the girls I knew to come to the bathroom with me and we just kinda chilled and talked for a minute. Im just so pissed at myself that I was sitting for half of the entire thing, I can't seem to bring myself to talk to others and mingle without wanting to completely hide away from everyone and everything. 

Honestly I just sound so stupid right now.. I've always been so fucking shy and anxious about literally everything, and it doesn't help that I look like a total freak too. I don't know if its just my whole look or my attitude, but it's like everyone besides the few friends I have thinks Im like this weird alien with black makeup and clothes. Sure, I like dressing up like some sort of weirdo, but can people stop thinking I'm like.. a "weirdo"?? Like, there's a difference in being weird, and being WEIRD. 

Ok..uhh getting sidetracked... I guess the party wasn't so bad, but everyone was kinda walking away and doing their own thing, but what sucked was that everyone else knew each other so I was just kinda following this one girl I knew hoping I wasn't acting clingy or annoying. Even being surrounded by other kids, I still felt so alone and isolated.