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I've made a whole ass big vent of my life, but as you can bet, It's just nonsense and bullshit.
So, I'm gonna write it on simple words.
I'm exhausted.
And I'm for real.
Since I was conscious, I don't feel comfortable living.
But now? I feel everything. And by everything, I mean the tiredness.
I don't want to die man.
I really don't want to.
Cause I know my hobby is there. And I'm an optimistic who thinks that it can get better.
But it's been 6 years now.
And I'm feeling worse, and worse.
I'm so stupid, so so stupid but only one person had got me.
And they're gone, so what's up?
I just want to be hugged in a nice place.
I want to feel I can be in a nice place.
Since the house where I live sucks.
I want to feel that I'm not just some fucking autistic monster who doesn't know where to put their gaze, or how to properly have an expression. Or how to even have a relationship with someone.
If I'm only that? I'm screwed up.
Because I have only found one autistic monster like me. And I have searched a lot.
I need to feel human. So I don't have to keep searching.
But how, man, how.
I'm too tired to do something about it.
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magickalgirl
the enviroment around you is the problem NOT YOU!! From what ive heard im gonna try my best understanding, you are being trated badly for 6 years now which is concerning for being autistic, you hate home and only found 1 person to like. my advice would be moving away, just like hair, places, towns and cities hold memories, try leaving as soon as you can because i can feel that that is the only way to have a good life.
I appreciate a lot that you took some time to read this, man. And honestly, I think you're kinda right, I should leave as soon as possible, and look for a better environment.
I have never seriously considered the idea because the uncertainty paralyzed me, but to be honest, I should think about it more seriously since it seems to be the only way.
Thanks a lot :)!!
by Ray; ; Report