Irrelevant

I stand in the shadow of your care,

a care given elsewhere,

to siblings, to echoes of yourself.

Why not me?

I learned the world without your hands,

clothes unwashed, lessons untaught,

a stench of neglect clinging to my skin,

a laughter I could not join,

because they never showed me how.

Nightmares came like storms

and your door was a wall,

cold, unyielding,

while I curled in my own fear,

learning that tears are my only companions.

You call me daughter

expect obedience, affection, gratitude.

Do you see the hollow in me?

Do you know the hunger

of a child who sought only you,

and found nothing?

I am stitched together from absence,

from every lesson you never taught,

from every hand you didn’t hold.

And yet, here I am,

breathing, aching.

I will not wait for your care.

Not anymore,

I will not bend for your affection.

You? You were optional.

A footnote.

A draft never worth finishing.

I won’t love you.

I won’t mourn you.