The morning routine. (tw)

I Wake up at the alarm i set earlier than usual;

for when i had hope of tomorrow.

I snooze it and fall into slumber for longer than i should.

I wake up and scroll on my phone for longer than i should,

looking at the zero notifications.

i finally get up after lots of convincing myself.

i change into the clothes too big and too little on me.

i pull the belt tighter than i should.

i look in the mirror in disgust.

the outfit is cute,

but not on me.

I brush my teeth harder than i should,

just to make sure there will be blood when i spit.

and so the sting will distract me a bit.

i stare into the mirror.

picking apart every little thing about me.

every imperfection and flaw no one else would know of.

the dark circles and red marks under my puffy eyes,

the extra fat stored in my chin,

the acne scars scattered across my face,

the greasy hair from not having any motivation to shower.

I brush my hair harder than i should.

just to make it hurt.

i walk out of the bathroom to fill up my water.

with caffeinated water flavorings added.

since i didn't sleep much last night.

or any other night.

it wont help anyway.

i go to my room to douse myself in spray deodorant and perfume.

to mask the scent of my rotting heart.

i grab my things and leave for school.

but not before downing an anxiety med,

as i dread the day ahead.

i get breakfast but stare at it for a while before forcing myself to choke it down.