eesdekid i love u but im a guy

 i used to have this problem where I could just not spend much time with myself, without overthinking stuff , yearning and what not, you name it. Whenever i'd ask out friends and the plans didnt work i'd get so frusturated and would continue that cycle of self loathing and overthinking like am i annoying, do they not wanna see me, am i being a burden to them. yk, being insecure. And I had been thru quite some shit at that time so these thoughts were definitly amplified. however ive recognised the pattern, and altho ive been thru more shit than before, im just more secure in myself in this aspect, i have new hobbies that i can partake while beng alone so yeh. Learning to enjoy time with your own self without needing others validation is one of the first, if not THE first step to having a happy life

i get bored easily but im never EVER watching those life advice essay type videos that tell you what to do, they go on and on abt their own experiences n struggles about yadayada, the point is that i dont want to be fed, i wana have my own thoughts, my own way of doing things, my own passion n not just take or repeat someone elses view like an echoo

i recently learned that during adolescence the brains reward systems sensitivity is really high cus of the undeveloped prefrontal cortex which basically makes u wana do new things and also the loml dosent like me back, she never did infact i was just dillusional, heck i dont even think i liked her <sue heck> it was just limerence, a lack of information

from the past few weeks ive been leaving my crafts on public benches, walls the ground etc. great way to start my day, i also collect random CDs i find at retail shops

that is all future sam

bye :>